Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

ESTES PARK, Colo. (UPI) -- A black bear wandered into a Colorado bar recently, sniffed around and left without the human patrons even noticing, video shows.

Those familiar with the bar say the bear went unnoticed as patrons were too busy watching a priest, a rabbi and an Irishman walking in the door, in hopes they might learn a new joke.

 

Bear in Worbis

 

LONDON (UPI) -- A hamburger worth $380,000 -- or about $75,000 per ounce -- made with meat grown in a laboratory will be cooked and eaten in London next month, scientists say.

Already three chefs have been hospitalized with stress from being asked to choose the condiments.

BELFORT, France (UPI) -- The mother of a woman injured in a cat attack in eastern France says the experience was a "living nightmare."

Authorities suggested the woman try to level up then go back to the fight later.

 

angry cat

 

LONDON (UPI) -- British actor Sacha Baron Cohen has dropped out of the forthcoming Freddie Mercury bio-picture because of creative differences, Deadline.com reported.

True fans still hold out for a Baron Cohen themed remake of 1980's Flash Gordon.

CANNES, France (UPI) -- The value of the diamond jewels stolen from a luxury hotel in Cannes was raised to $136 million, a record heist for France, a local prosecutor said Monday.

Police say they've got a special trophy for the record-breaker that that they'd just LOVE to deliver, if only they knew the winner's name…

Bear in Worbis from FHgitarre and angry cat from Omer Unlu are used under a Creative Commons License.