Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
LONDON (UPI) -- Google co-founder Sergey Brin has been revealed as the man who bankrolled the research producing the world's first lab-grown hamburger, unveiled in London.
It just goes too show: no matter how rich you get, you can still wind up making burgers.
(UPI) For the Guantanamo Bay inmates in solitary confinement, "Fifty Shades of Grey" provides some sort of company.
Critics note that Guantanamo Bay is the only place in the world where reading the book would NOT be considered a form of torture.
NASHVILLE (UPI) -- A Tennessee judge has granted Karen Elson's request for a restraining order against her estranged husband Jack White, court records show.
The order is currently set to be printed on 180 gram two-color virgin vinyl, then released in a limited edition pressing, available only from fifty select law schools across the world.
GAINESVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Freshman Rep. Ted Yoho, R-Fla., told a Gainesville, Fla., town hall meeting he supports further investigation into the circumstances of President Obama's birth.
NSA heads were quick to agree with Yoho, saying the birth certificate issue is the most pressing trouble America currently faces and they recommend that everyone give all their attention to it for the foreseeable future.
LONDON (UPI) -- Scottish actor Peter Capaldi was named Sunday as the 12th incarnation of the Doctor in BBC's "Doctor Who."
As a long-time fan, Capaldi rushed to opine that the casting was a terrible decision which would ruin the show forever, just like every other fan said about every other Doctor before him.
DSC_0320 from Daniel Hartwig and Tommy behind the counter says it's inspired by Shack Shack.. and he's huge foursquare fan! from Dennis Crowley are used under a Creative Commons License.