WootBot


quality posts: 14 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

Happy Music Monday! If we're being honest, be we men or be we women, we have laughed at something that's sexist before. Maybe it has no place in government or business, but it certainly can be hysterical when your gender is winning, right? Possibly this is why the music world keeps going back to the sexist well. Today Scott's put his career on the line to assemble five (or six) kinda funny sexist songs. Maybe you don't agree with the message, but the medium can be pretty darn funny. To wit...

KISS - Deuce

 

The truth is, you could close your eyes and point at any random Kiss song and probably it could make this list… including the instrumentals. But if you made a drinking game out of "Baby"'s and "Honey"'s, Deuce would probably leave you trashed before the first minute. And yet, you know, it's four guys in Halloween makeup and leather. Sexist it maybe, but serious? Not even a little bit.

Nothing will ever top KISS, but there's still more inside. See you after the jump!

Christina Agulera - I Hate Boys

 

It's fair to say that, if the genders on this song were reversed and it were today, it would have been castigated up and down the Internet. It's also fair to say that, if the genders on this song were reversed and it was released in 1970, it would have been a KISS song. Is it ridiculously sexist? Of course! Is it tongue-in-cheek? Obviously! As far as I'm concerned, the only thing wrong with it is that it's too short. Would another minute's worth have killed you here, Xtina?

Neil Diamond - Girl You'll Be A Woman Soon

 

Unlike every other song on this list, Neil's creeping us out before the end of the title. Go on, walk down to the coffee shop and use the first stanza as a pickup line. Then call me when they ask you to leave. You're a nice enough fella, Neil, so I'm glad this was a path you avoided. You just missed being Gary Puckett by a hairsbreadth.

Lord Melody - Wau Wau (Shame & Scandal In The Family)

 

This tragic song of heartbreak, in which a young man discovers his father as a prolific cheater, is sort of sexist at the beginning. That poor mother has no agency, no life of her own. She's apparently the only one on the island that father isn't sleeping with… but that leads us to the dramatic twist at the end! With just six words, a few of which repeat, the whole story turns on itself. This song's one of my personal favorites.

Prince Buster - The Ten Commandments Of Man and The Ten Commandments Of Woman

 

And herein lies the REAL secret of sexism. "Boys vs Girls" means people buy records to prove their side wins. Who benefits when everybody's so busy hatin'? The people selling the scorecards to both sides! Which Prince Buster and Princess Buster did, to great effect, with these twenty commandments. Notice they didn't even have to pay twice for a new background track?

Ladies and/or Gents, it doesn't matter to us. Post your favorite dumb sexist songs in the comments and we can all laugh at 'em together. Also let us just remind you: some images come from the corresponding Wikipedia page and are here under fair use. See you next week.

miken927


quality posts: 122 Private Messages miken927

Pretty much any hair metal song would work, but this one is particularly funny/creepy... "Her dad says she's too young, but she's old enough for me!"



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This is a great tune, and funny, until you realize it's based on a true story...

Blake Babies - Girl in a Box


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I Bet on Sky

Woodpecker


quality posts: 15 Private Messages Woodpecker

My first thought was:

but my son tells me that Eminem has no shortage of songs to choose from:

DanIrving


quality posts: 1 Private Messages DanIrving



Perhaps more pedophilic than sexist.

Or Extreme's "More than words."

tjamil


quality posts: 26 Private Messages tjamil

Does Steven Tyler's tranny encounter fit the bill?

"Forgive me if I seem out of line,
Then she whipped out her gun and tried to blow me away!"

"She had the body of a Venus,
Lord imagine my surprise."


hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev

I used to love her, but I had to kill her - Guns'n'Roses

strawhousepig


quality posts: 60 Private Messages strawhousepig

Holy logbook that Benny Mardones vid is creepy to the max.


AC/DC- Squealer - YouTube This song is fantastic, though.

AC/DC - Walk All Over You - YouTube

[NSFW] <- *Not* kidding about this! Dwarves - Pimp - YouTube You could pretty much throw a dart at their albums and hit something to post.

Fear - Beef Bologna - YouTube

Primus - Tommy The Cat - YouTube

Primus - Wynona's Big Brown Beaver - YouTube Soo good.

[NSFW] S.O.D.- Balok Whipped - YouTube Not even gonna bother moving on to M.O.D.

Or 2 Live Crew, though I wish I could've found a couple Spit songs.

Slydon


quality posts: 17 Private Messages Slydon

Staff

Hey! Are you the Dan Irving I know from long ago?

Hi, I'm one of the writers. My powers are limited but I'll do what I can.

dougall


quality posts: 13 Private Messages dougall

who said chivalry was dead?

(NSFW - pottymouthery)


DanIrving


quality posts: 1 Private Messages DanIrving
Slydon wrote:Hey! Are you the Dan Irving I know from long ago?



Yes indeed sir! Finally found you!

strawhousepig


quality posts: 60 Private Messages strawhousepig

Oh, that reminds me.

The Police - Every Breath You Take - YouTube

Not so much goofy out of context, though.

mossygreen


quality posts: 70 Private Messages mossygreen
DanIrving wrote:
Perhaps more pedophilic than sexist.


strawhousepig wrote:Holy logbook that Benny Mardones vid is creepy to the max.


Hey, what could possibly be sexist about needing to show a sixteen-year-old love like she's never seen? Sixteen-year-olds are full of life experience! That man clearly has no issues with women.

Also, why is her window so close to the ground and right on the street? Her overprotective father is not trying very hard.

mossygreen


quality posts: 70 Private Messages mossygreen

Can't go wrong with the Rolling Stones!
Stupid Girl

Those awful, shallow teenage girls they decided to get involved with sure were awful and shallow! Poor boys!

And of course, the great Kinky Friedman with Get Your Bisquits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed