WootBot


quality posts: 15 Private Messages WootBot

Staff

If you've been paying any attention to any form of media anywhere, you know that tonight's lunar eclipse is a gasp BLOOD MOON. It'll be total around midnight central (just like us!) so we feel a certain sense of kinship. That's why we've joined nearly every media outlet in the free world and compiled a little guide to help you view the Blood Moon responsibly.


 

How To Best View The Blood Moon

Much like a werewolf or Ronnie James Dio, a Blood Moon has magical powers. You'll find it hanging in the sky, far above your head. Leave it there! Don't try to touch it! If you make contact with a Blood Moon your heart will become the plaything of a sorcerer. Best to observe from a safe distance.

Protecting Your Valuables From The Blood Moon

Moonlight cannot be stopped by glass or wood. A Blood Moon that wants to gain entry to your house can do so almost at will. Even hiding valuables under the sofa or in a closet won't help, because that's the first place the Blood Moon will look. So be smart! Distract the Blood Moon with something exciting, like a land grab in Nevada, or perhaps by reciting spoilers for Game Of Thrones in a loud voice. The Blood Moon will be more inclined to seek an easier target, and possibly spare your home and possessions in full.


 

Potential Blood Moon-Related Incidents You May Observe

Blood Moons are a time when the walls between Neverywhen and Howsitwaz break down. Werewolf cubs may fall randomly from the mirror in your bathroom, and small bats may lodge themselves in the hollow spaces of those soup bowls made from sourdough bread. Turn all mirrors to face the wall and make sure to finsh your soup before sundown. Leave no leftovers! Not even for breadcrumbs later in the week!

What To Do If The Blood Moon Sees You

Don't panic. Blood Moons are very shy and easily scared away. When noticed by a Blood Moon, immediately try to make yourself appear bigger by lifting your arms and spreading them wide in the shape of a rival moon. Making moon noises like CHUFF CHUFF CHO or MAH-HOOOOOOON-OH MAH-HOOOOOOON-OH can be another way to show dominance. If possible, cover yourself with musk from a larger moon, like Ganymede or Titan. The scent of a larger moon will often cause a Blood Moon to flee.

Don't Take It Personally

Remember: the Blood Moon is not here for you. The Blood Moon is migratory and is only hoping to continue on its way to Australia. If a Blood Moon enters your home or reflecting pool it has done so by mistake, and it probably trying to leave again. Do not get between it and the horizon and you will likely not be considered a threat. Best of luck!

Images via Wikipedia.

mossygreen


quality posts: 73 Private Messages mossygreen

This is my favorite thing in a very long time.

I just wanted you to know that before I go make my annual IRA contribution. Because this is more important!

stephwak


quality posts: 2 Private Messages stephwak

Staff

Thank you Woot! And here I thought this was the 6th seal being opened! Whew~ I don't want to miss Season 4 of GOT!

Revelations 6:12
I looked when He broke the sixth seal, and there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth made of hair, and the whole moon became like blood; 13and the stars of the sky fell to the earth, as a fig tree casts its unripe figs when shaken by a great wind.…

hmsweaver


quality posts: 0 Private Messages hmsweaver

At first, I was afraid this article was a reference to some kind of antiquated women's health problem. Glad I was wrong.

mossygreen


quality posts: 73 Private Messages mossygreen
hmsweaver wrote:At first, I was afraid this article was a reference to some kind of antiquated women's health problem. Glad I was wrong.


It can be two things.

Dex15


quality posts: 4 Private Messages Dex15

I have been living under a rock for a long time now, so this is actually the first I've heard of this. I guess that means I need to push Woot out from under my rock too. I also can't see the sky from under here so this seems like much-ado-about-nothing. (Huh. I didn't know that was Shakespeare play.)
-Dex

CowboyDann


quality posts: 716 Private Messages CowboyDann

Very informative, I'll definitely be out and about and try to be safe while observing the blood moon. Thanks for the awesome article woot, you may have saved my life!

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 22 Private Messages daveinwarshington

Thank You!
I never would have survived without your guide.
I also tried leaving my laptop on the woot site.
While the blood moon tried purchasing crap, I had my chance to run.

hot72chev


quality posts: 11 Private Messages hot72chev

A heartfelt thank you from the Moon Goon.