Woody1


quality posts: 9 Private Messages Woody1

Wootdedo taser experience: by woootdedo

A friend of mine is fond of saying that my last words on this Earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Time/Life movie in the near future. Here goes...

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. Keep in mind that my "fancy" is rather easily tickled.

I bought something really cool for myself. There was no special occasion.

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety.

The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing way-out too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions, I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arch between the prongs. How disappointing! I do love to fire for effect.

I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!! Sparks, a blue arch of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yipeeeeee!!! I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to friends and family what that burn spot is on the face of my microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, etc., etc.

There I sat in my recliner, my cat , Sparky, looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping Sparky for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. He is such a sweet little cat, after all.

But, if I was going to use this thing to protect myself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time...

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and t-shirt with my glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than ¾-inches in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!"

Friggin' way - trust me. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. Those of you who know me well have already gotten a pretty good mental picture of what followed.

I'm sitting there alone, Sparky looking on with his head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it buddy", and I'm reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. Sounded like rational thinking under the circumstances. Wouldn't you agree?

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the hell of it.

Note - You know, a bad decision is like hindsight - always 20/20. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya just hate that?

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and Holy Shit! God Frickin' Damn!

I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Sparky was standing over me making meow sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to himself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note- If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, here's one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you will dislodge one of the prongs that are ¼" deep in your thigh, just like "yours truly".

Where was I? Oh yeah... Son-of-a-Bitch that hurt!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My glasses were on the dining room table. How did they get there? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather a nice size, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. I sure do miss 'em. Sure would like to get 'em back

800+ woots! - Talk to the Square

oblivious2living


quality posts: 0 Private Messages oblivious2living

ahh man I had a simalar exsperiance with a crt monitor... disregarded the DO NOT TOCUH HIGH VOLATAGE sign and shicked myself with 200,000v at 10ma.... luckaly didnt go through my hear or I would of been gone... yeah I woke up wet on the ground in a puddle of god knows what... but man.... electricity hurts

PathDaemon


quality posts: 0 Private Messages PathDaemon

Wow. Amazing.

The worst I've done involved a disposable camera. I didn't faint, but it felt like needles were dancing on my hand.

I started to disassemble a CRT when I was young, but my parents made me stop :-(
How do you discharge one of those things, anyway?

joshlocker


quality posts: 0 Private Messages joshlocker

I had the same disposable camera experience on a class trip to DC back in 8th grade. It was fun to do to other people, but when someone did it to the back of my neck, well, let's just pretend I forgot what happened afterwards.

peteromans11


quality posts: 0 Private Messages peteromans11

OMG!!! I think I am feeling the same effects from laughing so damn hard!!! That is one of the funniest stories I have ever read. Thankfully it didn't kill you, but had it, that definitely would have won the darwin award :)


Thanks for a great laugh and having the chutzpah and confidence to laugh at one's self.


Pete

peteromans11


quality posts: 0 Private Messages peteromans11
 PathDaemon wrote:
Wow. Amazing.

The worst I've done involved a disposable camera. I didn't faint, but it felt like needles were dancing on my hand.

I started to disassemble a CRT when I was young, but my parents made me stop :-(
How do you discharge one of those things, anyway?



There is actually a tool made to discharge them. basically it grounds it.

djslack


quality posts: 14 Private Messages djslack

I got a call from two lil' guys who might have been your testicles, they said they were hiding behind the recliner waiting for what best they could tell was a combination electrical storm and earthquake to pass, and that they weren't coming out until the tazer was returned to the store.

Just so everyone's clear on the lesson here: when you are going to do something stupid like shock yourself with a tazer, reevaluate. It's always better to have your buddy shock you with the tazer, that way he can let go of the button (and tell you where your testicles ran off to!) Smile

Great story wootdedo, the true personal stories are always the best!

pyrophite


quality posts: 0 Private Messages pyrophite

I once got out of a bathtub wet and grabbed the bathroom heater (which we had disabled the safety on due to it not functioning when it was enabled) and got shocked back into the bathtub, for a reason that im not going to go into here i had a chemists test tube in my other hand which fell to the floor shattering all over the floor. I was electrocuted until my sister heard my screaming and unplugged the heater. When all was said and done, i was dry.

Jason Toon


quality posts: 19 Private Messages Jason Toon

Woot, Inc. does not condone or endorse intentionally self-inflicted injury from tasers or other personal defense devices. However, we reserve the right to laugh at anyone who does it anyway.

"Nipples on fire"! I think I just found a name for my new band...and our first album: Has Anyone Seen My Testicles?

coffeenogrumpy


quality posts: 1 Private Messages coffeenogrumpy

brilliant

now that you have no balls and maybe you are still blue..
i can call you STUPID SMURF

boghos


quality posts: 0 Private Messages boghos
 pyrophite wrote:
...and got shocked back into the bathtub, for a reason that im not going to go into here i had a chemists test tube in my other hand which fell to the floor shattering all over the floor...




im sorry i count help but laugh at that haha.. im not even going to ask

w1bmw


quality posts: 0 Private Messages w1bmw
 djslack wrote:
It's always better to have your buddy shock you with the tazer, that way he can let go of the button (and tell you where your testicles ran off to!) Smile



You obviously haven't met MY buddies.

Woody1


quality posts: 9 Private Messages Woody1

You have to admit, this is like every guy that screws in a light-bulb, doesn't work, unscrews it, looks inside the socket and sees the metal tab pushed way down. Being the fix-it-all that we are, we reach in there to pull it out a little so it will make contact with the bulb, and ZAP!

Don't even try to tell me that I'm the only one that has ever done that, I know better (do now anyway)

800+ woots! - Talk to the Square

deezil


quality posts: 2 Private Messages deezil

Damn Woody. That takes a real man to do that, and for it, I salute you. But next time have a little more sense.

Shock the cat.

I've bought lots of woots. I don't need to e-peen it up in my signature.

ccanni1028


quality posts: 0 Private Messages ccanni1028

I have never done a tazer or disposable camera, but I have been shocked a few times with the igniter from a stick lighter. The ones with the long metal neck before the flame use electric ignition systems. If you take one apart, there is a little box with a spring-loaded button on it. Coming out of it is two wires. If you put those on someone and push the button, they get a nice little shock! It works great on the back of their neck or (if they will let you) on their tongue.

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
 ccanni1028 wrote:
I have never done a tazer or disposable camera, but I have been shocked a few times with the igniter from a stick lighter. The ones with the long metal neck before the flame use electric ignition systems. If you take one apart, there is a little box with a spring-loaded button on it. Coming out of it is two wires. If you put those on someone and push the button, they get a nice little shock! It works great on the back of their neck or (if they will let you) on their tongue.



If they let you, they deserve it.

Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

Woody1


quality posts: 9 Private Messages Woody1

I'm starting to think I need to tase myself to sleep Time night, night Sleep

800+ woots! - Talk to the Square

gimmaroon


quality posts: 7 Private Messages gimmaroon

Volunteer Moderator

Opposite for me...I need to be tasered out of my zombie state.

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BC4L, but my wootjuice is eggplant.

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
 gimmaroon wrote:
Opposite for me...I need to be tasered out of my zombie state.



Where's that little poking smiley when you need it?

Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

gimmaroon


quality posts: 7 Private Messages gimmaroon

Volunteer Moderator

 Binaural wrote:
 gimmaroon wrote:
Opposite for me...I need to be tasered out of my zombie state.



Where's that little poking smiley when you need it?


?

*******************************************
Want crap? Got crap? Go swap crap:
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BC4L, but my wootjuice is eggplant.

gimmaroon


quality posts: 7 Private Messages gimmaroon

Volunteer Moderator

 Binaural wrote:
 gimmaroon wrote:
Opposite for me...I need to be tasered out of my zombie state.



Where's that little poking smiley when you need it?


?

*******************************************
Want crap? Got crap? Go swap crap:
WootSwap.com, since 2005.


BC4L, but my wootjuice is eggplant.

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
 gimmaroon wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
 gimmaroon wrote:
Opposite for me...I need to be tasered out of my zombie state.



Where's that little poking smiley when you need it?


?


Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. Big Smile

Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan

I buillt a portable dreamcast once. In the process, I touched the power coils whilst they were plugged in. I was in the garage, and I arose next to a hammer on the ground. I still have no clue what happened.

Though I can't taste salt anymore...

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan

That dreamcast later caught fire after 1 min of use.

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
 RevJOnathan wrote:
That dreamcast later caught fire after 1 min of use.



So, found a new day job, huh? One that doesn't involve modding consumer electronics?

Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

cpltrainer


quality posts: 1 Private Messages cpltrainer
 Binaural wrote:
Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. Big Smile



With little bolts of lightning and stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Once, back in the early Seventies, I was upstairs in my brother's attic with him and half a dozen other people doing what I I don't want to admit to now. The lights went out due to a blown fuse and, in the dim light from the attic window, I watched, in a little bit of a fog, while my brother went over to the fuse box and opened it to replace the fuse. He had run out of extra fuses and decided, in his own little fog, and too quickly for anyone to offer any alternative ideas, to use a penny. Without making any attempt to shut down the box he inserted said penny, at which point there was a very large arc of light and my brother sailed longways to the other end of the attic and slapped against the wall like a bag of wet sand.

A few days later, he was bald. It grew back but still, you know, it was an enlightening experience.

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
 cpltrainer wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. Big Smile



With little bolts of lightning and stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Once, back in the early Seventies, I was upstairs in my brother's attic with him and half a dozen other people doing what I I don't want to admit to now. The lights went out due to a blown fuse and, in the dim light from the attic window, I watched, in a little bit of a fog, while my brother went over to the fuse box and opened it to replace the fuse. He had run out of extra fuses and decided, in his own little fog, and too quickly for anyone to offer any alternative ideas, to use a penny. Without making any attempt to shut down the box he inserted said penny, at which point there was a very large arc of light and my brother sailed longways to the other end of the attic and slapped against the wall like a bag of wet sand.

A few days later, he was bald. It grew back but still, you know, it was an enlightening experience.



Yes, because until you've witnessed that, you think putting a penny in a fusebox is a good idea. Wink

Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan
 Binaural wrote:
 cpltrainer wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. Big Smile



With little bolts of lightning and stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Once, back in the early Seventies, I was upstairs in my brother's attic with him and half a dozen other people doing what I I don't want to admit to now. The lights went out due to a blown fuse and, in the dim light from the attic window, I watched, in a little bit of a fog, while my brother went over to the fuse box and opened it to replace the fuse. He had run out of extra fuses and decided, in his own little fog, and too quickly for anyone to offer any alternative ideas, to use a penny. Without making any attempt to shut down the box he inserted said penny, at which point there was a very large arc of light and my brother sailed longways to the other end of the attic and slapped against the wall like a bag of wet sand.

A few days later, he was bald. It grew back but still, you know, it was an enlightening experience.



Yes, because until you've witnessed that, you think putting a penny in a fusebox is a good idea. Wink

I did...

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
 RevJOnathan wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
 cpltrainer wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. Big Smile



With little bolts of lightning and stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Once, back in the early Seventies, I was upstairs in my brother's attic with him and half a dozen other people doing what I I don't want to admit to now. The lights went out due to a blown fuse and, in the dim light from the attic window, I watched, in a little bit of a fog, while my brother went over to the fuse box and opened it to replace the fuse. He had run out of extra fuses and decided, in his own little fog, and too quickly for anyone to offer any alternative ideas, to use a penny. Without making any attempt to shut down the box he inserted said penny, at which point there was a very large arc of light and my brother sailed longways to the other end of the attic and slapped against the wall like a bag of wet sand.

A few days later, he was bald. It grew back but still, you know, it was an enlightening experience.



Yes, because until you've witnessed that, you think putting a penny in a fusebox is a good idea. Wink

I did...


Let me clarify, I was talking about people of normal intelligence.

Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan
 Binaural wrote:
 RevJOnathan wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
 cpltrainer wrote:
 Binaural wrote:
Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. Big Smile



With little bolts of lightning and stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Once, back in the early Seventies, I was upstairs in my brother's attic with him and half a dozen other people doing what I I don't want to admit to now. The lights went out due to a blown fuse and, in the dim light from the attic window, I watched, in a little bit of a fog, while my brother went over to the fuse box and opened it to replace the fuse. He had run out of extra fuses and decided, in his own little fog, and too quickly for anyone to offer any alternative ideas, to use a penny. Without making any attempt to shut down the box he inserted said penny, at which point there was a very large arc of light and my brother sailed longways to the other end of the attic and slapped against the wall like a bag of wet sand.

A few days later, he was bald. It grew back but still, you know, it was an enlightening experience.



Yes, because until you've witnessed that, you think putting a penny in a fusebox is a good idea. Wink

Ahh, see I'm above normal.
I did...


Let me clarify, I was talking about people of normal intelligence.

Binaural


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Binaural
RevJOnathan wrote:[quote user="Binaural"][quote user="RevJOnathan"][quote user="Binaural"][quote user="cpltrainer"][quote user="Binaural"]Yup. Now we need someone to edit it, so instead of a stick, it's a tazer. [:D]



With little bolts of lightning and stuff. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Once, back in the early Seventies, I was upstairs in my brother's attic with him and half a dozen other people doing what I I don't want to admit to now. The lights went out due to a blown fuse and, in the dim light from the attic window, I watched, in a little bit of a fog, while my brother went over to the fuse box and opened it to replace the fuse. He had run out of extra fuses and decided, in his own little fog, and too quickly for anyone to offer any alternative ideas, to use a penny. Without making any attempt to shut down the box he inserted said penny, at which point there was a very large arc of light and my brother sailed longways to the other end of the attic and slapped against the wall like a bag of wet sand.

A few days later, he was bald. It grew back but still, you know, it was an enlightening experience.[/quote]

Yes, because until you've witnessed that, you think putting a penny in a fusebox is a good idea. [;)][/quote]
Ahh, see I'm above normal.
I did...[/quote]

Let me clarify, I was talking about people of normal intelligence.[/quote][/quote]


You didn't scroll all the way to the end of the quotes

[;)]




Mod note:
IF YOU BUMP OLD THREADS AND POST, THE POST GETS LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE THREAD. DON'T KNOW WHY. HAPPENED AFTER WOOT DID SOME MAJOR WORK ON THE SITE YEARS AGO.
Now that you are here, read the beginning of this thread, it is really funny. It seems it is one of those internet stories, most likely didn't happen to a wooter , Still funny.

Sorry Rev, I've stolen your post

New story


dontwantaname wrote:I know this will get lost in the middle of the old thread....but I'll try

TT found this.
We decided it sounded like the same type of story.


So....for your woot off entertainment


http://lifeisaroad.com/stories/2004/10/29/neighborhoodHazardorWhyTheCopsWontPatrolBriceStreet.html


Quick, someone check my spelling and grammar for me.

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan

Hey it ain't me fault.

deseretdad


quality posts: 0 Private Messages deseretdad
 deezil wrote:
Damn Woody. That takes a real man to do that, and for it, I salute you. But next time have a little more sense.

Shock the cat.



Yah, he would still have 8 lives if it came to that. Like that USA Network "Dead Zone" comercial with the cat chewing the cord.(cat's aren't the brightest)
I want to thank you all for you stories. I laughed out loud more than once. As a kid I used to stick things in the outlet till I popped a breaker, because I thought it felt cool, but never really got juiced like you guys are talking about. Have you ever tried one of those trick shocking pens? If you hold it long enough your arm will go numb. It is pretty cool if you can't get someone else to try it, to hold it in one hand and touch them with the other as you poke them on bare skin with it.
This is a pretty old post I found on your site, I hope the boys have dropped back into place form their internal hiding place by now. Dang that had to suck. Mine cringe just thinking about it.

gimmaroon


quality posts: 7 Private Messages gimmaroon

Volunteer Moderator

...but deseretdad, did you see the video of wootdedo in woody1's sig line? A must!
Quite a bit of

*******************************************
Want crap? Got crap? Go swap crap:
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BC4L, but my wootjuice is eggplant.

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan

Next time get it on tape.

cpltrainer


quality posts: 1 Private Messages cpltrainer
 Binaural wrote:
Yes, because until you've witnessed that, you think putting a penny in a fusebox is a good idea. Wink



I was drawing a breath to say, "No, Johnny..." but my reactions were slowed significantly, either by whatever I had inhaled or the sheer wonder of what he was about to do, so it never got any further than that... I'm kind of glad I wasn't home the time he and his buddy made the molotov cocktails out by the gas water heater... I kind of wish he had been home the time I was emptying out shotgun shells and shooting the wadding into a pile of papers on the top of the new washing machine... he might have been able to help me out with some kind of an excuse when I hit the shell that wasn't emptied out...

My Dad was a very patient man, really.

morpheus282


quality posts: 6 Private Messages morpheus282

A friend of mine went to the local farm supply store with his girlfriend and her family. Now of course my friend is rather bored until he sees the one thing he's always wanted - a cattle prod! So he picks up the prod and waves the wand end around a bit like a lightsaber before wondering exactly what effect it would have on a person. He then proceeds to zap the palm of his left hand with it. The next thing he remembers is waking up on the floor a few minutes later wondering why he feels like he's had his brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick.

Needless to say, this isn't the best way of impressing the future inlaws, and no one has ever let him live it down.

kpk021


quality posts: 1 Private Messages kpk021

Here we go:

cpltrainer


quality posts: 1 Private Messages cpltrainer

Very nice.... very nice, indeed....

RevJOnathan


quality posts: 0 Private Messages RevJOnathan
 cpltrainer wrote:
Very nice.... very nice, indeed....


I think I'm gonna cry