Sly Giddlehauser wanted his Altec Lansing M604 Zune Speaker. He wanted to use it with his Zune. He wanted to use it with the mp3 players that belonged to his friends. And he was ready to meet the devil to do it.

Sly Giddlehauser pocketed his Zune as he stepped out of the old beat up truck. He walked into the Speaker Castle and looked around. There was the place. Right where aisle sixteen met aisle forty four. The crossroads.

Sly Giddlehauser pulled up a chair. He thought hard about the high-def audio with digital amplification. The mystic XdB™ bass-enhancement technology that made deep bass without a subwoofer. The legendary universal dock that allowed for data transfer and recharging at the same time. As the lights went out, he even allowed himself to dream about a Composite Video Output for his Zune video, as well as a Universal MP3 Cradle with cable, just in case any of those non-Zune friends came over. Sly Giddlehauser kept all this in his mind as he heard the howl of the motorized floor washer (or maybe it was a wolf?) and he kept his thoughts focused.

Just like Robert Johnson took the blues, or Bill Gates took DOS, or Louis Pasteur took the secret of winning Galaga, Sly Giddlehauser planned to take that Altec Lansing M604 Zune Speaker. He squinted as the rebate forms flew in the hot breeze, a tornado of discounts against his arms. He tried to calm himself, wondering how the two 3” full-range drivers and two silkdome 1” tweeters would sound when he used the built in wall mount in his living room. Or maybe the bedroom? The wireless remote would mean he’d never need to get out of bed to change the song or video.

The wind was now a raging storm, full of heat and smoke. Sly Giddlehauser looked down aisle 16, at the dark center, hearing nothing but agony and wails of desperation. He took a deep breath and choked on the smell of sulphur and cheap barbeque flavored corn chips. He felt a fear he had not known since the day he almost dropped his copy of Bob Marley: Legend in the toilet. And at that moment, Sly Giddlehauser knew he was not the one.

The staff at the Speaker Castle had grown used to what they would find in the morning. They sent the intern over to aisle 16 to pick up the box. The intern came back with a brand new Altec Lansing M604 Zune Speaker in perfect condition. They didn’t even look to see the tear that ran, just for one second, from the place where an eye once was.

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