Aye, m'lady, they call me the Bard of St. McTubbin! I keep a record of every word I write!

And I promise ye, I'm not just some faker pretendin' an accent. I'm a bard for sure, questin' to discover me voice, singin' 'n writin' like the folk bards of olde. Ah, that puts me in the mood to create a song! Let me just write ye down some lyrics!

Oh, Shelly, me Shelly,
That day at the lake
I called ye me true love
And we ate some cake.

There, now! I'll just sign the bottom and... done! Ye can keep the original, prove ye met me as I traveled the land to find me voice. No, no! It's no trouble at all! Keep it! I got it saved in me aPen Digital Recording Wireless Pen, ye see! When I plug this into the included USB cable I generally store in me beard, and then plug that USB cable into me computer, I'll be able to recreate everything I wrote, up to 100 pages worth. Every too-ra-loo-rah and skiddle-dee-dum-da-dong of my non-electric genius, preserved forever in the amber that is time!

Well, no, not literal amber, sheesh. I think it's some kind of micro-circuit inside there. It does plug into an iPad or iPhone though, so that's... oh, my accent? I mean, me accent? Um, ha ha ha! Ah, lass, a poet such as I can take any voice, almost at will! That was just one of me characters, um, Larry the Lame! Ha ha! The Bard of St. McTubbin would never speak in such a plain, unflowered common tongue!

Now, shall I show you me other works of art? No, no bother, I've loads of time for ye! See, see! Let me put me beard cable into me computer and bring up... there! See that? That's the song I just done wrote for ye, saved and a'waitin'! Oh, and before it, aye, there's many more wonderful songs like... what... "Larry's a fake and has a dumb beard la la la la la"? Aw, MAN, that must be Jack and his stupid anti-paladin persona! Did he steal my pen and fill it up with... what is that, is he writing dirty words? Dirty words in my pen full of wholesome, slightly flirtatious filk? Sweet Shelly, I bid thee adieu, for thusly this day must I whomp my brother uponeth his most vain nostril.

Oh, your name's Kelly? Wow, I guess I just heard that wrong. My bad... um, pray forgiveness, sweet Kelly. Gotta go.

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