Yeah, you can hold your iPad. If you want to be some kinda HIPSTER.

“Oh, my iPad is so precious, mwah, mwah, mwah, it’s like a baby in my arms, I have to protect it!” That’s you, hipster. Sitting in that coffee shop like a mother hen. Do you think that iPad is gonna run away or something? Is your self-esteem really that low?

Here, I want to show you something. Don’t mind the smoke, that just means we’re changing scenes. It’s an old stage trick, you can Google it up later. There, over by the door. See that? That’s you in the future. That’s right, and look how sad you are. Your wrists are all damaged from constantly holding your iPad, and see that guy over there? See what he’s holding? That’s right, your iPad left you. Because you didn’t give it the freedom it was designed to love.

Okay, more smoke, we’re going back. See? Here’s your iPad, waiting for you. It didn’t go anywhere. That’s because you don’t always have to hold your iPad. Understand? Great. Now, here’s a Acoustic Research iPod Docking Station.

Yeah, yeah, it holds your iPad up and it plays music and it works with iPhones and Nanos and all that. Even charges ‘em through the docking station. Stick this thing in your office or your desk and home and you can enjoy all the stuff you were enjoying, just without keeping it in your lap like a turn of the century child. You know, like in School Days? What? What do you mean you only listen to the Flaming Lips?

Look, I may be your guardian angel but don’t think I’m not willing to give you a good smack in the mouth once in a while.

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