Some people will use any excuse for a party.

Alright, attention! Attention, everyone! Listen, thank you all for coming. On behalf of myself and the Johnson family, I can't tell you what having so many people here to help with this search party means to us. I know we're all anxious to get out there and end this nightmare, so let's get started.

Now then, has everyone been put with a team leader? Okay, for those of you who have never done a grid search before, you need to get with your leader so that they can explain and tell you which section of the house you'll be assigned to. And what about fliers? Does everyone have a flier? If you don't, you should be able to get one from your leader, otherwise you can find me in the breakfast nook and I'll give you one.

If you do have a flier, take a good look. It's been over 36 hours since the Johnson family reported their little remote control missing. It was last seen near the couch by Mr. Johnson as he flipped between watching episodes of Law and Order: SVU and Criminal Minds on his LG 47" 1080p LED HDTV, and it has not been seen since. We're going to focus much of our search today on that area, but given Mr. Johnson's proclivity towards wandering around and setting the remote down in a strange place absent-mindedly, we'll also be searching the garage, bedrooms, AND bathrooms. I hope you people are ready for a long day.

But no matter how long or frustrated we get, we cannot give up. That remote is in here somewhere, lost, scared, desperate to get back to the TruMotion 120Hz technology and full HD 1080p resolution screen its known all its life. I'm sorry, what's that? Ah. Everyone, Mrs. Johnson would like to remind us that there's a Cold Case marathon happening at 8pm tonight, so time is of the essence here.

Okay, people, you know what to do. Let's not leave any nook or cranny of this house unchecked. I don't think anyone wants a repeat of the disappointment felt when we couldn't find Mr. Johnson's wedding ring last year.

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