“Lieutenant Cordbound’s carriage approaches by the garden road,” announced the bewigged steward of Abbey Farm Village Manor. Immediately, murmurs of excitement rippled through the parlor. Dame Ethel Northwesterly touched her daughter lightly on the shoulder. “I expect you’re quite happy to receive your suitor after his overseas service in the Royal Burma Corps.” she prompted.

“Yes, Mother – ever so happy.” Harriet Northwesterly carefully concealed a sigh from the smiling gazes of the gathered guests. If only I could be so pleased, Harriet thought. If only I loved Lieutenant Cordbound the way everyone thinks I should. But there’s nothing to be done, is there? Mustn’t grumble, Harriet. She steeled herself to give a properly refined, ladylike greeting to the Lieutenant, the fiancee she barely knew.

Just then, the servants’ entrance to the parlor was flung open with the greatest commotion. Before the party’s gasping eyes stood the uncouth, dashing figure of the Logitech Wireless Headphones for PC. How dared this wild, unbound accessory interrupt this occasion! But against her prudence, Harriet’s heart fluttered and dipped like a delicate rhododendron on a Nordic Track.

“I’ve come for Harriet,” the ebon headphones exclaimed. “My dearest dear, my darlingest darling, I beg you not to bind yourself to Lieutenant Cordbound. He can never give you the 165-foot range and digital clarity that I can. He doesn’t have built-in volume, play, and track selection controls or a transmitter than looks like an iPod with an antenna. I can’t stand the thought of your wild spirit tethered to your computer by his hateful wires. Come with me now, my belovedest beloved! I pledge to serve and obey you faithfully for up to 8 hours on each battery charge.”

At that moment, the parlor seemed to disappear around Harriet. Her mother, her guests, her predestined path to a loveless marriage – all faded into nothing. She heard only her Logitech suitor’s deep bass and crisp treble. She went to him, and put her ears to his speakers. She was his, Lieutenant Cordbound be damned.

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