Dr. Hometruth: Now, Eloise, what seems to be the trouble?

Eloise Skittish: It’s pronounced “el-waz”. It’s French.

Dr. Hometruth: Of course, el-waz. Now, how can I help today?

Eloise Skittish: Well I was running up these steps to exercise my legs because I was worried about gangrene setting in because I sit down at my job so much you know? And I started not being able to breathe and I kept being like well I’ll be able to breathe soon but I wasn’t so I started to panic and you know when I panic I get all-

Dr. Hometruth: I told you last time, just because you get short of breath when exercising does not mean you have black lung.

Eloise Skittish: No no Doctor it’s my heart! MY HEART doctor! I counted my pulse and I think I might have a murmur because one minute it beat 75 times and the next minute I’m pretty sure it beat 77 times and I saw this thing on 20/20 about it!

Dr. Hometruth: Well, that’s not exactly a heart murmur. Listen, why don’t we try this WS-820Q Wrist Blood Pressure & Irregular Heartbeat Detector? Not only will it help detect any signs of an irregular heartbeat well in advance of any problems developing, it’ll also help you read and track your systolic and diastolic blood pressure.

Eloise Skittish: My blood pressure? Why? Is there a problem?

Dr. Hometruth: No, no, of course not. It’s just an additional precaution-

Eloise Skittish: Now that you mention it, I can feel it! I can feel my blood pressing on my veins! Oh my God, my God, doctor, doctor! This is just like that one Guiding Light ! How much time do I have left? Give it to me straight!

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