In today’s Mr Beer Home Premium Edition, Johnny’s in a real pickle! Will the two friends find a way out in time? Stay tuned to find out!

Oh Johnny’s just a normal guy/Who never liked the kitchen/Then one fine day a meteorite/Brought in a new addition/And now he’s happy all his days/And never once alone/His new best friend, ol’ Mr. Beer/has come into his home!

JOHNNY: Oh, darn it! I’m so thirsty! Mommm! We never have anything to drink!

MOM: Good heavens, Johnny, you’re forty six. Why don’t you just go to the grocery yourself?

JOHNNY: Aw, nuts. Now mom’s mad at me, and for no reason at all. Sure wish Mr. Beer was here.

MR. BEER HOME PREMIUM EDITION: Who says I’m not, Johnny?

JOHNNY: Wow! It’s Mr. Beer!

MOM: Johnny? Who are you talking to out there?

JOHNNY: Oh no, Mr. Beer! If Mom found out I had friends over without asking permission, she’d ground me for sure!

MR. BEER HOME PREMIUM EDITION: Quick, Johnny! Hide me!

JOHNNY: Okay, Mr. Beer! Let’s see, I’ll put your Brew Keg with Lid and Tap Assembly… under the couch! Rrrr! Ooof! There! It fits!

MOM: Young man, just who are you talking to? I swear, if this is one of those “imaginary friends” again…

MR. BEER HOME PREMIUM EDITION: Johnny! Hurry! She can’t know about me!

JOHNNY: Okay, okay! And I’ll stuff the Standard Reusable Brew Pack behind the plant- like this! Stuff stuff stuff!

MOM: …I mean, it was cute when you were nine or ten and you’d just finished that acting job for the television people, but now? A man your age just shouldn’t be acting this way!

MR. BEER HOME PREMIUM EDITION: Johnny! She’s going to catch us, I know it!

JOHNNY: Shut up, Mr. Beer, I have to think! Maybe I can hide your eight Reusable Plastic One Liter Bottles with Caps behind… the television! Gotta stack them just right… there! I did it!

MOM: And I still believe that those two Kreft Brothers really should have hired a better tutor on the set. I mean, I told them you were sensitive, and than you sometimes thought their giant sea monster puppet was real, but did they believe me? Of course not! And now it’s like living with Syd Barrett. Oh, I didn’t mean that really, honey, you know I love you. But somedays I have half a mind to sue them for what they did. You were such a sweet, trusting little boy. We only wanted what was best for you.

MR. BEER HOME PREMIUM EDITION: Johnny, you have to hurry! She’s almost here!

JOHNNY: Mr. Beer, shut up! Let’s see, I’ll hide your eight labels and the brewing guide under… this magazine! There! All done. And just in time too! Uh, hi, Mom! Just… um… doing my exercises! That’s why I’m all out of breath! One, two! One, two!

MOM: “Exercises”, huh? I’ve told you before, Johnny, if you want to do that, you need to go into a private room with a door that locks and- what’s this?

JOHNNY: Um… what’s what? Mom?

MOM: This! This leaflet that clearly says… Johnny! Is this an Easy-To-Follow Four Step Instruction Guide to Proper Brewing? Are you… making beer with a Mr. Beer Home Beer Kit Premium Edition?

JOHNNY: Mom, you gotta believe me! I was just playing, and suddenly, a meteorite flew in the window, and this Mr. Beer Home Beer Kit Premium Edition just stepped out of it, and it could talk, and it said it wanted to be my friend, and, and, and-

MOM: Oh, Johnny. You’re a grown man! I don’t care if you want
to drink! Just be responsible and clean up your mess after. Also keep in mind that brewing is an art, so your first few batches might not be perfect, and you’ll want to consider a few refill packs. But whatever you do, keep at it, okay? I’m just so pleased you’ve finally got a normal hobby, even if you have to disguise it with some story about a meteorite. Maybe this is that breakthrough step the doctors talked about, which will finally help you let go of your past. I certainly hope so, Johnny. It tears me up to see what that show did to you, it really does. I told your father the day he took you to that audition that it was a mistake. You were so sensitive, even then, and all those scary grown-up monsters… oh, Johnny. Just… just try to enjoy your beer making, my darling, special boy. Try to scrape together some kind of normal life out of the ashes those TV people left you. I love you, son. I love you so much. I hope you always knew that. I thought that show would just… but it doesn’t matter. You have fun with your Mr. Beer Home Premium Edition, Johnny. I have to be alone. I don’t want you to see me… crying…

JOHNNY: Okay, mom! See you later then! Wow, cool! She wasn’t even mad at me!

MR. BEER HOME PREMIUM EDITION: Psst, Johnny! Is the coast clear?

JOHNNY: Mr. Beer, it sure is! You know, I’ve got the best mom in the entire world!

MR. NUDIE MAGAZINE COLLECTION: Does that mean I can come out now too?

JOHNNY: Um, not yet… maybe she’s not ready to know ALL our secrets!

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