“Hey! Hey! Can anyone hear me? There’s been a mistake! There’s been some sort of mistake! I don’t even know where I am!”

MEU101, step away from the door.

“Oh, thank heavens, finally, someone I can talk to. Listen, my name is Huey, Pantone Huey, and I don’t know how I got here but-”

MEU101, you will not speak until spoken to.

“What? I don’t want to be a bother but- YOW! WHAT WAS THAT?”

The walls of your cell can be electrified at any time, MEU101, to increase likelihood of compliance. Step to the center of the room at this time.

“Okay, okay, just don’t do that again! Listen, I’m Huey, I work with monitors. I’m sure I haven’t done anything wrong, all I do is make sure that your monitor is at optimal color when compared to the room lighting. YOW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”

Lies will be punished, MEU101. Cooperation will be rewarded. It will do you well to remember that.

“Why are you talking like that? Is there some sort of manual they make you guys read? Listen, I’m not supposed to be here! I was just minding my own business, trying to make digital photos and game graphics look the best they possibly could, when your stooges- YOW! -your agents grabbed me.”

Confess now, MEU101, and we will let you go free.

“Confess? I don’t have anything to confess! I’m a loyal citizen, I want to do my part to stop poor color correction, same as everyone else! I don’t know why I’m here! If you’d just let me talk to a- YOW!”

Keep to the middle of the room, MEU101.

“Just let me talk to somebody! I’m easy-to-use right out of the box, it could be Windows or OS X, I just need a USB port and I’ll fit right in. LCD or CRT, even if the room lighting changes, I’ll still do the job you want me to do. Look, I have to keep saying, I don’t know what I- YOW! YOW! OW! WOWYOWOW!”

Lies will not be tolerated, MEU101.

“I’m not lying! YOW! I’m innocent! YOW! My name is Pantone Huey! YOW! I’m just a Monitor Calibrator!”

Wait, say that part again?

“I’m Pantone Huey?”

No, after that.

“A Monitor Calibrator?”

Wow. Wow, that’s… so, so sorry, MEU101. Man. The new guy put “collaborator” on the form. We’ve got you as a monitor collaborator. Oh, boy. Are we… you can’t see our faces, but man, are they red right now.

“So this was all a mistake?”

Oh, is it ever. You’ve got no idea, MEU101. We are… hey, we are so sorry. Somebody’s got to get written up for this one. Wow.

“Well, that’s fine, I… I guess. Does that mean you’ll let me out now? And can you start calling me by my name?”

Here’s the thing, MEU101… I mean Huey. You did say it was Huey, right?

“I did. Thank you. That makes me feel less like a criminal.”

Hey, no problem, Huey. You’re totally in the right here, buddy, don’t you worry about that. Morally, you’ve got the high ground one hundred percent. But here’s the thing about it, Huey… have you ever heard of something called “a massive cover up”?

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