What we have here is a purposeful failure to communicate.

Saturday, May 7

Hey Roomie! Ha, sorry, that sounds so lame. Anyway, just wanted to leave you a note on the old whiteboard and say hey. Seems like we have totally opposite schedules or something; every time I’m home you’re either out (at work, I guess?) or you’re in your room. And every time you come out you’ve got your Pioneer Steel Wheels Stereo Headphones on so you don’t seem to hear me! Ha ha, jk no worries. What do you like to listen to? I’ve got every 311 album EVER if you’re ever looking to check them out. Anyway, hope we get a chance to hang out soon. Tuesday night me and some buds are heading to Roscoe’s, it’s $1 pitcher night.

-Dylan

Wednesday, May 11

Hey Dude,

Missed you last night at Roscoe’s! The girls were out in full effect! What are you doing this weekend? We should hang out. Either go out and get some beers or kick it low key here with some PS3 or something. I’m working ‘til 10 so hopefully we can talk it over once I get home.

-Dyl-Diddy

Friday, May 27

Are those things grafted to your freaking head? Do they ever come off? WHAT IS YOUR DEAL? I don’t care if they’re super comfortable, soft, leather-type ear pads. I know you can hear me. You blinked last night when I screamed at you from across the dinner table. Speaking of you’ve got like 8 years’ worth of dishes in the sink, and if you think I’m washing dishes for some jerk who won’t even talk to his roommate you’re out of your freaking mind.

-D

Tuesday, June 7

WTF? Where is the rent money you piece of s&%$? Hope you liked the sound of me banging on your bedroom door for an hour trying to get you to come out. Did you hear THAT over your 40mm drivers handling up to 1,200 mW of input power? HUH?! You’re pathetic. God, I wish I’d known what a jerk you were when I responded to your Craigslist ad. I should’ve known it was fishy when you just replied with “Accepted.” Rent is PAST DUE, jerk. No joke. AND WASH YOUR DAMN DISHES.

-The guy who does everything around here

Friday, July 15

To whomever finds this whiteboard,

Goodbye. I can’t even bring myself to write “to whom it may concern,” because the last two months have been completely bereft of human interaction and have shown me that there is no one concerned with what goes on here. If my alleged “roommate” is present, know that while he did not physically harm me, I consider his negligence and extreme apathy the root cause of my emotional slide. Of course you won’t be able to tell him any of that, because he’s probably still listening to those damn headphones. Farewell.

-Dylan

Friday, July 15

this is why i always keep the headphones on, drama queen.

-mike

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