Okay, we got about six seconds until this whole thing comes down, so let’s give some TRL style shoutouts to our Tweeps. Where our Tweeps at, yo? Boc Boc!

@Snubs, thank you so much, and we hope you get one of these Bags of Crap! Remember, the rules have changed, so try to read the new commandments. If you’re able to manage it, you’ll be getting ONE bag with THREE items in it. If you don’t, you won’t.

@acalabrese83, maybe you’re spoiling US by giving us so much great attention! Ever think of that? We hope you are also aware that there’s never anything good in these Bags of Crap. Really. Save the money for college or something. And for Heaven’s sake, don’t whine if you get a broken Rambo figure and a Palm III in a sausage biscuit wrapper.

@aliciagregoire, sorry if we distracted you from getting a bag by putting your name here. But we think your avatar is lovely. Maybe you can draw some joy from that?

@seledoux tsk potty mouth. People certainly didn’t talk like that in 1972, we can tell you that much.

@simianlovedoc, we promise you, it’s not an achievement. No one will think poorly of you if you don’t get a Bag of Crap. It’s crap. People should stop stressing over it.

@ramgarden, how did you get so smart?

And finally, @RyanWhitwam, nyah nyah, nyah nyah nyah nyah. Now good luck. To all of you. We’ll be right back.

THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v3.0

I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond ONE bag of some kind and THREE crappy items.

II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people’s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.

III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.

IV. Thou shalt not expect better crap just because things are different this time. Crap is crap.

V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.

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