Can you believe that despite all my power and wealth and influence, I’m not allowed to shoot my employees? That’s Big Government for you.

And I’m not just talking live ammo, or even crossbow bolts. According to Big Brother, even pelting them with harmless rubber bands is some sort of harassment or something. I blame Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin.

But I keep my Executive Desktop Sharp Shooter close at hand anyway. And I stay in practice with the included targets. I figure immediately after a firing is the most likely time for people to go psycho and start yelling or crying or something. And if they’ve been fired, well, they’re not my employee any more, are they? We’re just two private citizens having a little rubber-band fight. A one-sided one, probably, since my superior intelligence means I’m prepared and they’re not.

Weird thing, though, I haven’t gotten to fire anybody since I bought this thing. We’ve had plenty of people quit, but there’s no fun in that. Hey, you looking for a job? It’s long hours, and doesn’t pay much, but it’s a real fun environment.

Back to top