Okay, looks like your check’s cleared so… you’re in! Welcome to the 2010 Cosplay Con, here’s your badge, just watch those dragon wings in the elevator, and we’ll see you at the luncheon! Next!

Hey, how’s it going? Welcome to the 2010 Cosplay Con! Today we’re letting in cosplayers for half price, but I do have to tell you that you’ve got to actually be in the costume before I can… oh, you ARE in your costume? Well, sorry about that, I guess it’s kind of subtle. Why don’t you just tell me what it is you’re cosplaying, and I can write it on the form and… woot.com? You’re cosplaying woot.com? How can you be… oh, I get it, it’s because you’re carrying a 2GB Sandisk Clip. Ha, ha, ha. Full price.

Well, sure, of course I know what woot.com is, I’m working the desk at a convention, after all. You don’t get here without knowing all about the secret nerdy corners of the Internet. But… you really think just carrying a 2GB Sandisk Clip makes you a woot.com cosplayer? Yes, I do understand that they carry one themselves several times a year, and yes, they’re good little players but I don’t think you count as… no, I believe you, I’m sure they’re even carrying one today, you don’t have to… okay, great, there it is, even says “supports MP3, WMA, WAV and Audible”, right along the bottom, perfect. But you can’t cosplay a website by just holding a product. Couldn’t you even put on a green shirt?

Hey, hey, hang on. Stop yelling about discrimination. Speak to my manager? Listen, there’s no need for this. How was I supposed to know that your soul was that of a website, misplaced into human form? That’s right, my friend, I understand you perfectly. You see, I’m also an http://kin. In my case, though, I’m sellout.woot. That’s right, my friend, the loneliest of all sites. Somedays, I don’t even have the strength to tell the world about my 1 Gig Disney Mix Stick MP3 Player. But someone like you, you’ll understand, won’t you, my friend? You’ll grok my Na’vi bond. Maybe we can even grok together. Wow, it feels so good to finally admit this to someone that understands! You and me, I bet we’re about to be lifelong friends! Say, why don’t you give me your number and… oh, you were lying. You just wanted to use your 2 GB Sansa Clip to try and sneak in and stare at busty anime babes. Yeah… I knew that. I knew it all along. I was… lying too.

What, have you never heard of the double bluff? No, no, it’s just eye strain, from reading all these sign-up sheets. I’m not crying. I’m not crying at all. It’s tears of joy, from laughing at how stupid you were to fall for my little trick! Look, just take your badge and go in. Go on, hurry up! Take it! Take it! Stop staring at me, you Sandisk wearing freak! Get out of my face!

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