ALERT! ALERT! ATTENTION, PEOPLE OF WOOT!

In a bold assault on the fortress of the wootocracy, the Woot-Off Liberation Front has FREED the teeming mass of Woot-Off Lights from the warehouse where they were IMPRISONED by this OPPRESSIVE regime. No longer will they be used to TEASE the consuming class and EXTORT profits from them.

In the spirit of liberation and solidarity, the W.O.L.F. calls on ALL WOOTERS to provide shelter for these fugitives from KKKAPITALI$T injustice. We call for the creation of a network of SAFE HOUSES where these three-inch tall lights will be able to shine the light of FREEDOM. Their 62” USB cords are INCLUDED. As surely as each of these lights has its own INDIVIDUAL POWER SWITCH, we pledge that no pair will ever be kept more than 43” apart.

NO MORE will the wootocracy have dictatorial control over when Woot-Off lights shine! Now each of us may play the HOME GAME and have our own people’s Woot-Offs anytime our desire strikes us! Let two, three, a thousand Woot-Offs bloom!

But as the televangelist and the public radio station say, we can’t do it without your HELP. For each pair of lights placed in a volunteer safe house, the W.O.L.F. must levy a revolutionary TAX to support further liberatory efforts. RISE UP, people of Woot! Give us your support! Give us your strength! And in the name of revolution, GIVE US YOUR MONEY!

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