Sonny Justice sighed. How was he going to explain this to the captain?

Captain Castigation had a stern face has he stared at the list of expenses. Sonny tried not to look directly at his eyes. He knew it was coming, so why make it worse? Sonny smiled sweetly at his captain. But Castigation was having none of it.

“You totaled the Porsche.” the captain said flatly.

“It’s not my fault,” Sonny began. “It was that Vizio 32” 1080p LCD HDTV. Let me explain.”

Castigation crossed his arms and rested his weight on the desk. Sonny felt as though he were in the principal’s office again. Sonny wished his partner, Tubbs Purebottom, were there for moral support. But Tubbs was back in New York, and Sonny was on his own.

“I was on the docks, Captain. I was tailing that transvestite hooker who knows where the shipments come in. When what do I see but a Vizio 32” 1080p LCD HDTV? Now, I know from your excellent briefing that the Vizio 32” 1080p LCD HDTV has 16.7 million colors and two rear HDMI inputs, so I figure hey, that’s gotta be worth a lot of money! So maybe, I figure, whoever’s moving the TV, they’ve got some cash to spread around! So I go over there to check it out.”

“When I make it to the Vizio 32” 1080p LCD HDTV, I’m real close, so close I can see all the side inputs, like the HDMI and Composite Video and the Component YPbPr plus Stereo Audio-”

“Get to the point, Sonny.” the captain said flatly.

“Right. Yessir. The point. The point was that while I was near the television, I saw… something. Out of the corner of my eye. So I jumped. And next thing you know, there’s a rocket launcher shooting a rocket… right out of nowhere!”

“And that’s what hit the car.”

“You got it, Captain. That’s what hit the car.”

Captain Castigation nodded slowly. “Well, I’m glad you’re alive, Sonny.”

“Me too, Cap. Me too. So when can I get my new car?”

“Right now.” Castigation reached into his desk, tossing Sonny a set of keys. Sonny noticed his captain’s smile, noticed that the keys seemed simple and unassuming, compared to his old, stylishly imported keys. He rubbed his thumb over the letters. F. O. R. D. Sonny sighed again. Maybe it would at least be a Mustang.

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