What’s a girl in love with a Porphyromonas gingivalis to do?

“Porphy, I don’t care what the dentist says. I love you. I don’t want a 2-Pack of Zero Germ UV Toothbrush Sanitizers with Toothbrushes. I could never hurt you!”

Julie, you don’t understand. I love you too, but this was never meant to be. You’re a beautiful woman; I’m a Gram-negative oral anaerobe strongly associated with chronic adult periodontitis. Our love simply cannot be.

“How can you SAY that? What about that safari in Kenya? Did that mean NOTHING to you? I’ve spent the best years of my life with you and you would just END it like this?!”

But together I would eventually be your downfall. Left unchecked I could cause you periodontitis! I could open the door to gingivitis. An absence of proper dental care can even lead to heart disease! It’s true. The plague on your teeth permeates your gums and becomes plaque on your arterial walls. It’s because I truly love you that I have to set you free.

“No, Porphy! I won’t let you! It can’t end like this! You can’t make me do this! I won’t!”

Julie, I need you to turn on the sanitizer.

“No, please!”

I love you, Julie. I love you more than any words could ever say. But you know that. And you’ll know every morning when you look to the East and see the sun rising to greet you.

“I love you, Porphy. I love you so much!”

I’m ready, Julie. It’s time.

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