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"Nary a hair to be seen..."
Arrrr, Matey, this be the machine ye be needin' to tame to waves of backhair that be plaguin' ya. Ye may be wonderin' why I be a pirate-like person. Well, I be startin' this write-up before lunch and can't rightly ken why I wanted to talk akin to a scurvy dog of the sea. So I just be goin' with it. Arrrrrrrrrrrrr.