Friday, February 28

Movie-Awards-That-Happen-This-Weekend Bingo!

by Team Chuckle

Are you sick of watching boring television programs in the age of video games? Tired of never-ending speeches and shots of Jack Nicholson trying not to fall asleep? Hey, this year, why not make the O████s fun again? Why not join us in a few games of BINGO?

 

We've put together one two three four different Bingo cards, so you and those you love can compete to see who is the best person in the history of ever. Print 'em out, hand 'em out, fill the spaces and cheer!

Just, whatever you do, don't say their actual given name. Sheesh. It's like they're Voldemort or something.

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Monday, February 25

The Horsemeat Report for Monday, Feb. 25

by Team Chuckle!

Today's list of things that have been discovered to contain some percentage of horsemeat.

IKEA meatballs
  • IKEA meatballs
  • Joe Biden
  • Identity Thief
  • Woot-opoly
  • Unfunded credit derivatives
  • Memory Foam
  • Van Halen (Sammy Hagar version)
  • Illicit buttock implants in the Tampa, Florida area
  • Thomas Aquinas's conception of eternal law
  • The Toyota Prius
  • The Duane Reade at the corner of 6th Ave. and 23rd St.
  • Horses

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Wednesday, June 13

 

Monday, May 14

An Exclusive Diablo III Preview from Woot

by Team Chuckle!

 Wow. That's all we can really say. We got a special advance copy of Diablo III, the biggest game release in years, and put over 100 hours into it. And now, on the eve of its release, we're going to share with you some of our favorite updates to the classic point and click dungeon crawler. You've heard the leaks, the rumors, and the hints at what may be. But only read on if you're ready to find out just how amazing this game is. Here's our list of our favorite features from Diablo III:

 
  • Intro cutscene plays out a 120 minute movie about the human condition and demands a small test on what you've watched as "copy protection."
  • Deckard Cain no longer asks you to stay, implies maybe you should have visited once or twice in the last decade.
  • New "Atheist" class allows you to smugly deny the existence of Diablo.
  • Integrated Farmville support.
  • Every tree is a unique NPC with a different side quest for the player.
  • New product placement contract means Warriors class regenerates health with Mountain Dew powerups.
  • Hip retro skins ($39.95 each) make the game look and play exactly like "Tapper."
  • To reduce complaints of sexism, all "chicks in chainmail" will be portrayed as 65 years old.
  • Players now capture and utilize small "pocket monsters" in their fight against evil.
  • Hardcore duel mode replaced with "casual friendly" football simulation.
  • Amazing final battle features incredible devil fiddlin' physics engine.
  • "Epic Retro Edition" comes with 6,200 floppy diskettes and a map.
  • Fully engaging dialogue choices determine what color tunic your character wears during the inevitably disappointing ending cut scene.
  • Witch Doctor class is voiced by Morgan Freeman to give him some dignity.
  • Newest "Darkest Circle of Hell" level pipes in audio from Xbox Live "Call of Duty" matches.

 

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Thursday, April 12

Inside the Woot Writers' Room: Everything's Coming Up Falcons!

by Team Chuckle!

Did you know it's illegal to have a pet falcon? Well, it is in the United States, anyway. You can only have falcons if you're a falconer, and actually using them for work like hauling tiny airborne plows through your field or something, we guess. Anyway, the point is Randall, one of the Woot Writers, was spending his workday Googling various ways to acquire a falcon when he discovered Royal Jordanian Airlines' policy on falcon transportation and initiated the following conversation in the Woot Writers' chat room:

 

Screen shot 2012-04-12 at 12.15.05 PM

 

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Wednesday, January 18

CES 2012: The Wootable Awards

by Team Chuckle!

Pull your tuxedo t-shirt from the bottom of that pile of laundry. It's time for the awards show awaited by thousands, because it means our interminable CES 2012 coverage is finally complete. Presenting the 2012 Wootable Awards!

This year's salute comes in two parts: the star-studded, no-singing, no-dancing video extravaganza, followed by some pics-and-text bonus honors for truly sad Wootable devotees. Now, everybody, let's Wootable! Take it away, Matthew!

Now, read on for far more Wootable Awards than anyone should waste their time compiling, much less reading:

Most Unfortunate Stock Photo
Everybody at this company was probably too mature to notice, but we were startled to turn a corner and find this guy flipping us the... well, phone, it turns out. But now we can't un-see it...

 

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Tuesday, October 11

Inside The Woot Writers' Room: Squirrel Avengers, Assemble!

by Team Chuckle!

Comic book nerds everywhere are chattering either excitedly or disdainfully about the new trailer for Joss Whedon's upcoming Avengers flick. The response has generally been positive, with a lot of speculation on who will join Loki's plot for world domination and what comic book storyline(s) the movie will adapt. Naturally, we Woot Writers had our own thoughts when the trailer was unceremoniously dropped into our chat room. Naturally those thoughts eventually digressed into whether or not a grown man could fend off an attack by 20 squirrels...

 

 

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Friday, August 19

Looks Like We Made It: Woot's in the Dictionary!

by Team Chuckle!

Recently we made a big splash in the news- Well, not US, per se, but our namesake. See, the Oxford English Dictionary, the "premier" dictionary of the English language, decided to include the term "woot" in their hallowed pages of definitions, alongside such esteemed company as "noob," "retweet," and "mankini." Now we know we're not the top dogs or anything, but we've been at this internet stuff long enough to know when you toot your own horn and when you affect a properly-unenthused tone lest everyone tear you apart for enjoying something. Plus, it's not like they got the definition right: "a statement of elation?" Psh. Everyone knows it should read "coolest website on earth." So we were content to let the news die down.

Except that people kept pointing it out. First came the tweets, then the emails. Then came the phone calls from our dear aunts, uncles, and grandparents who still don't really know what we do or how we make money at it, but know that they just saw the company name in a news article and that's a pretty big deal. Which isn't to hate on our loved ones for thinking of us; we appreciate their enthusiasm! We just got enough feedback on the whole thing that we figured we should address it.

And we found a dirty little secret about the Oxford English Dictionary...

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Friday, May 13

Inside The Woot Writer's Room: ONLY FOR THE HARDCORE UK RAVER

by Team Chuckle

Last time, it started with a photo. This time, Randy found a video.

 

Randall C. The dude at :55 is having the best/worst time ever.
Gatzby H. So many GIFs waiting to happen.
Scott L. He's so gone
Jason T. wow
Matthew S. what in the

Randall C. This is why white people keep their dancing to tightly-confined, dark rooms.

And that's where it all began. After the jump, enjoy another peek into the Woot Writers' Room and see our raw, mildly censored real-time chat room commentary as we enjoy a little trip back to the days of rave. Don't watch too far ahead without us!

 

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Wednesday, April 27

What We're Doing While The PlayStation Network Is Down

by Team Chuckle!

  • Starting a Mortal Kombat LARP group
  • Painting all of our doorways orange on one side, blue on the other
  • Jacking up the price for that used Xbox 360 we're selling on Craigslist
  • Wondering why our PSN friends aren't calling us to hang out
  • Sending a basket of combustible lemons to Sony's dev team
  • Going back to pretending the floor is lava, instead of the virtual floor
  • Trying to entice our cat to run through the maze of ramps and hula hoops we set up in the backyard
  • Hiring twelve-year olds to hurl racist, homophobic slurs at us
  • Learning that tearing out a man's spine with your bare hands is a lot harder than it looks in the games
  • Taking some time to catch up on my reading witBAH HAHAHAhaha! Sorry, couldn't keep a straight face
  • Researching the easiest way to remove our SONY4LIFE tattoo
  • Blaming Sony for all the strip club charges on our credit cards
  • Finally finishing that plushie potato
  • Taking time to step away from the games and really reflect on our own lives and whether we can ever truly love agaOMG ANOTHER WEEK UNTIL THEY GET IT BACK UP WTF

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