After The Divorce
Glow sticks are the perfect way to keep your child safe… while still making an indirect comment about the state of the music industry.
Hello, Barry? It’s Irene. No, don’t “Irene who” me, Barry, it’s your ex-wife Irene. Yeah, THAT Irene, exactly. The one raising your kid. Your kid who is currently trying to shave a bald spot into the top of her head so that she can go trick-or-treating as “a raver who didn’t know when to quit.”
Barry, I don’t care how many times you turned down Pitchfork when they begged you to write for them, this is our daughter! And maybe you see a pack of twenty four 4” Glow Sticks as some post-ironic way to make a statement about why Nirvana is more important than Kanye West or something… no, Barry, that wasn’t an invitation to start explaining things to me because I don’t care. What I care about is keeping our daughter safe on Halloween, and that’s why I bought these glow sticks in the first place!
They’re easy to activate, and they all have lanyards and a hanger so I can tie them to her jacket or just let her hold them, and then I can see her from the other side of the lawn. I figured they might also be fun for slumber parties and- Barry, look, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter that Lady Gaga is just following the imagery previously laid out by David Bowie, nobody cares about that, Barry. Do you know what your daughter wanted to be two weeks ago? A fairy princess! And then you took her to that record fair and she comes home talking about, hang on, what did you say, darling? Oh, right, thank you, she said she wants to “explore a KLF-like deconstruction of the concept of past-its-prime Detroit Techno in an era when sampling has rendered genre obsolete.” Yes, I fully believe that YOU don’t see anything wrong with that idea, Barry, but she’s eight! EIGHT! For her, twenty four glow sticks shouldn’t be deconstructing anything! They should just be plain and simple fun!
Look, seriously, I. Do. Not. Care what Lester Bangs would have said about this. Just tell your daughter you think it’s okay that she wants to dress up like a fairy princess and let her have a Halloween without losing all her friends. No, Barry, it doesn’t matter how you justify it to yourself as a critic. Put on a copy of Lionheart or something. Just get it done, okay? Okay, thank you. I’ll bring her by after dinner so you can talk. We’ll see you then, Barry. Goodbye.
Recommended Ages: 3 Years and Up
- Great for parties, celebrations, camping, outdoor activities and much more
- Perfect for Halloween!
- Easy to Use: Just bend and shake to activate glow stick
- Each Glow Stick has a lanyard and hanger for easy wearability or attachment
- Lanyard has a break-away safety clasp
- Hanger is able to be removed
- 2 Glow Sticks per pack- 12 packs total
- We can't hear you over the insanely loud bass!
- Glow Sticks with Hangers (attached) and Lanyards
- Package Contents
- Glow Stick Dimensions: 4” L x 0.38” D
- Lanyard Length: 25”
Important Safety Information
- Keep product in its original foil package until ready to use. Do not puncture or cut plastic tube. Contents are non-flammable and non-toxic but may permanently stain clothing and furniture. Do not leave glow stick in direct sunlight or expose to high temperatures. In case of skin or eye contact, rinse thoroughly with water. Ingredients will not cause injury to the eye, but may cause temporary discomfort. Do not drink or ingest.
In the box:
- Darice 4” Assorted Color Glow Sticks w/ Lanyards & Hangers - 24 Count (12 2-Packs)
- (2) Yellow Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
- (2) Green Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
- (2) Red Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
- (2) Purple Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
- (2) Orange Glow Sticks – 2 Packs
- (2) Blue Glow Sticks – 2 Packs