Don't Sheet Where You Eat
Why let all those crumbs on your sheets go to waste?
After I eat a nice crusty baguette from the comfort of my bed, I simply roll up my plush 800 thread count sheets and mush together whatever food remains into delectable morsels. I call them "SheetTreats" and they're going to revolutionize the way America snacks.
Think about it! Everybody avoids eating in bed for fear of getting crumbs everywhere, but what if you could combine those crumbs into a mashed food product at the end of your meal? You'd save money on wasted food AND enjoy a one-of-a-kind recycled culinary experience with SheetTreats!
SheetTreats are not for everyone, and those with cotton or polyester allergies should avoid their consumption as they are "processed" (rolled up) in a facility (sheet) that contains these products. Also, people who are grossed out by the thought of eating an amalgamated mash of sloughed-off foodstuffs should also avoid SheetTreats.
SheetTreats are, hands down, the most environmentally friendly snacks on the market, as they are composed of 100% recycled food. Don't be fooled by competitors that make their treats from carpet and couch refuse, as these are often adulterated with non-food fillers such as lint and gum. Only SheetTreats provide 100% pure, post-user food.
So stop eating food at the table like a chump and start enjoying the fruits of your own slovenliness with SheetTreats!