Wax On, Woot-Off
What made this country great? Knives. Be it some hunter carving his name into a tree or a young man thrilled at his first merit badge or some guy re-creating the video for "Beat It" or an old woman slicing a fresh pear at the Farmer's Market, it all comes down to a knife. You can't be a true patriot until you bake an apple pie with apples you peel using your own pocket knife! Except don't, because that's sorta disgusting. But you get what we're saying, right?
We were giving our warehouse its spring cleaning, its vernal sprucification, its annual zhuzhing - and look at this crazy gunk we scraped off the shelves! This Woot-Off promises to be full of surprises! (And now that we've said that, a complete lack of surprises would, itself, count as a "surprise". Called it.)