Great Yellowish-White North
Obviously, I was unaware there was a Gear Pro Action Camcorder in the room when I smoked that crack.
To the hardworking taxpayers who elected me, I admit, mistakes were made. Mistakes are often made in one of my drunken stupors. We've all been there, right? And this time one of those mistakes was smoking crack. The other mistake was not noticing the Gear Pro Action Camcorder in my face while I greedily suckled at that glass teat.
I mean, you'd have to be lost in a euphoric applejack haze not to recognize this professional mini-HD action cam, am I right? Take it from me: when you're deeply, lustily filling your lungs with the Devil's farts, you're lucky if you can tell the difference between a helmet mount, a handlebar mount, and a suction cup mount. All I can say in my defense is, in the throes of a rock-induced ecstasy I can liken only to a full-body orgasm, the Gear Pro GDV123 was just one more beautiful vision dancing before my crack-befogged eyes.But while I apologize for my indiscretion, let me serve notice to my political opponents: I will not resign. I was elected to do a job, and I will keep fighting for the taxpayers until they decide to make a change at the ballot box. Also, I will keep getting completely wiped-out trashed drunk and blasting sweet rock-bombs of bonecrushing freebase. I'll just make sure there's not a Gear Pro action cam anywhere around when I do. Thank you and God bless the chump- uh, people of Toronto.