How Has The Recession Changed CES?

by Team Chuckle!

  • Sprawling Panasonic booth partially converted into hotel for transients
  • This year's hottest gadgets: anything with gold components
  • Giveaway USB sticks replaced by actual sticks
  • Booth babes no longer paid in cash, but are now permitted to sell apples and take in laundry
  • VIP luncheons catered by the Salvation Army
  • Las Vegas Convention Center replaces central heating with barrels full of burning HP laptop batteries
  • Monster Cable presents VIP-only performance by the bass player from Sugar Ray
  • Shuttle buses replaced by bicycle rickshaws
  • John Bunnell will tase himself to get those free hats back
  • Naming-rights deal means Las Vegas is now known as Little Shenzhen
  • Hall of Innovation moved to burned-out house in Detroit
  • Leave a business card at the LG booth for a free malaria vaccination
  • Rolling blackouts due to theft of copper wire by attendees
  • Instead of plying buyers with cocaine at lavish after-hours parties, company reps now offer a paper bag full of spray paint in the parking lot
  • Most booths now staffed remotely from Bangalore
  • Steve Ballmer replaced at keynote by homeless man who says nothing but "Bing" for two hours
  • If 3D HDTV sales do not meet expectations, Samsung threatens to launch a worldwide wave of suicide bombings
  • Hoover booth replaced by Hooverville
  • First visitor to Microsoft booth gets a free Windows 7 phone. And so does every other visitor
  • This year's slogan: "CES: Now In 3D!"