It's Not Prostitution if You Cross the International Date Line

by Randall Cleveland

Are you attractive, but lack the money to travel? Congratulations, I guess! There's a service for you! It's called Miss Travel, and all you have to do is be a beautiful woman of questionable moral character or unquestionably low intelligence!



Doctors! Lawyers! Bankers! Athletes! Executives! Millionaires! Boy, they sure do cut right to the chase, don't they? I have no doubt that there exists, somewhere, a man willing to pay for this and a woman willing to do this, but I refuse to believe there are enough to support a website. We haven't sunk that far yet, have we, humanity? Airborne prostitution? I can't decide who's the bigger victim here. Men paying for women to sit next to them in an uncomfortable metal tube for five hours, women risking life and limb for a complimentary drink and a trip to the duty free shop, or me for having to endure knowing this exists.

And why are they only advertising to women? Surely there are plenty of rich lady executives looking for some scintillating conversation on their next flight to Hamburg for the Lady Executive Girl Power conference? Why is no one beating down MY door to take me on a flight to Madagascar? I'm a GREAT travel companion! Sure, I start fights at the airport and whine about the seating, but once I'm seated I just throw on my headphones and zone out.

It's rare that a concept hits so firmly the bullseye of both misogyny AND misandry. Women are reduced to "Attractive Members." Men sign up as "Generous Members." After that it's smooth sailing, awkward conversations, and the creeping fear that you're going to wind up dead in a ditch somewhere in Laos. 

Ladies, if a guy has acquired the wealth or responsibility to make him travel extensively and yet has no social skill to convince some attractive woman he met on his own to come with him, he's at best socially repugnant and at worst the guy from American Psycho. Men, if a woman is willing to accompany you on a business flight in exchange for money, she's already proven she has no problem using you to achieve her goal and will have no problem finagling her way out of any "totally not required but kind of obligatory" sex you're imagining you'll be owed. It's a lose lose lose. The third "lose" is for the piece of your soul you never get back.

But don't let me stop you. Men, would you pay for the pleasure of friendship on a nonstop flight? Ladies, would you sign up to see the world if it meant keeping some awkward executive company? Let me know in the comments.