NeatDesk Desktop Scanner

by wootbot

Sad Scanner

It's refurbished. So, who knows what kinda weird stuff it's seen.

What's in that package by the door? Why it's the NeatDesk Desktop Scanner you ordered! How nice of it to finally arrive! Better get it out of the box quick, so that you can start turning that clutter of papers on your desk into an organized library of digital documents! Better get right to it, right?

Well, actually, no.

You see this a refurbished NeatDesk Desktop Scanner. That means it's played this game before. And unlike its less-advanced brethren, the NeatDesk can't just ignore what's on the letters, invoices, receipts, or business cards it scans. No, it reads all the information presented so that you can search it later, run reports, do whatever.

What we're getting at is your NeatDesk might have read some messed up stuff. So, before you get to work scanning, you want to send a clear message that you're not like those other scanner-owners. You're one of the good guys. You care.

How do you do this? It's easy!

  • First, write a letter to your mother about the scanner. Make sure to discuss, in a flattering tone, all of its amazing features, such as its Award-Winning Automatic Document Feeder or its patented “Intelligent Text Recognition” technology. Whether you send it is not isn't important; just make sure to scan it for your "files."
  • Second, purchase some scanner accessories, get the receipt, and scan that. This way, the scanner knows you care about its well-being.
  • After that, make sure to scan several business cards for scanner repairmen so the NeatDesk knows that you have a plan in case of an emergency.
  • Finally, run a few pages through it that are clearly stained by tears to really hammer home that you're the sensitive type.

This should do it! Now that you've established yourself as trustworthy, you're ready to scan for real! But remember? Don't scan anything you wouldn't want to scan yourself.