Onkyo 5.1CH 3D Ready A/V Receiver

by wootbot

Last Stop Before Clarksville

This Onkyo 5.1CH 3D Ready A/V Receiver is EXACTLY what you need to break up the dark loneliness of your life. It'll love you more than you'll love it.

Boy, when I was being assembled in the Onkyo factory, I heard all the fairytales about how an audio component could just one day see a face in the crowd and fall in love, but I never believed it. Not until today. That's right, I'm talking to you, stranger. How you doin'?

Until just moments ago, I figured Cupid was out to get me. Silly, right? But that's how it felt! Every night I'd sit in my shipping box, so disappointed, assuming that no one would ever enjoy my many surround sound decoders or my 4 HDMI inputs, let alone my A/B switching skills.

Oh, hey, and that's not all! I got lots to give! AM/FM tuner with 40 presets, front USB port, four DSP gaming modes, the works! But the more I gave, it seemed, the less other people were willing to give back. I had the same HDMI input as anybody, you know? Why did I only get pain? Why did I even try? If I wanted to hear Bill Withers, someone put on Ninja Assassin in. And I can handle music and video, assuming you plug in your own players (they're not included, naturally) but I just got so discouraged! Did no one care?

Then ... I saw your face. Hi. I'm a receiver. And I couldn't leave you if I tried.