Onkyo 7.1CH 3D Ready Home Theater System

by wootbot

The Next Best Thing

With this Onkyo HT-S8409 Home Theater System you can recreate the movie experience in your own home! Which kind of movie experience is up to you.

The Onkyo HT-S8409 Home Theater System is well designed to give your home theater the aural kick it needs to cross the line from "decent" to "faboo!" However, please note: to get the FULL movie experience, you're going to need a few things more. Here's a quick list on how to do a 100% conversion.

STEP ONE: Before wiring in the two tower speakers, spill an entire six-pack of soda on the floor. Allow five hours so the soda can dry something slightly less than fully. This will prevent you from flying away into outer space if all gravity on Earth suddenly shuts off unexpectedly. You wouldn't want to miss the end of the movie!

STEP TWO: Find two small children to sit directly behind you and discuss what they learned at school. While the Dolby® Pro Logic® IIz in the TX-NR609 THX Select2 Plus certified receiver is indeed impressive, it's not something you'd actually want to hear, right? Seeing a movie is about meeting the people around you, and really getting to know their hopes and dreams.

STEP THREE: Keep in mind that the receiver boasts six HDMI ports, but can also accept a wide range of devices, including iPods and iPhones via the front panel USB port and PC video via RGB. This will let you add effects to your movies so they'll get slightly out of focus twenty minutes in, at which point, you should stand up, walk to the nearest gas station, and try to convince the guy behind the counter that he should find a manager. Once you've done that, walk back, and try to guess what you missed. Use your imagination!

STEP FOUR: Set up your center and surround speakers too, and make sure they're well balanced. Then go to your kitchen, open the fridge, and throw everything out. Replace the food with cheap hot dogs and candy, which you can eat at any time, assuming you're willing to pay seventy eight bucks per. Scoff at anyone who suggests you might make more money by serving things people actually want to eat.

STEP FIVE: take your comfy comfy couch and put a rock under the cushion, placed at random.

Congratulations! Now you've turned your home theater into a REAL theater! Of course, if you don't want to do all that, you could just plug in the Onkyo HT-S8409 Home Theater System and enjoy it normally. But then where's the realism, you know? Where's the ambiance?