Just can't weight.
Now here's some scalable technology!
We take you to Pyle’s confidential product development meeting …
MR. CHORTS, PYLE EXECUTIVE: Alright, turds. We need new ideas and we need them fast. Consumers are looking for smart scales that help achieve real, lasting results.
MARNMY SCOTT, DIRECTOR OF SCALE DEVELOPMENT AND WATER FOUNTAIN TECHNOLOGIES: Well, we’ve managed to create a device that measures body fat, hydration levels, muscle/bone level percentages and communicates that data to mobile devices via Bluetooth. That’s a big deal.
CHORTS: UNACCEPTABLE. Our customers deserve better. They want MORE data. Waddaya got, team?
YARNA STROTTS-LOBSTER: We thought it would be helpful if we had a pub trivia feature that asked questions about global capital cities.
CHORTS: I like it. What else?
URNLINN CANKLES: My specialists suggested a “Where are they now?” option, which would alert the user, within 90 acres, of Ace of Base’s whereabouts.
CHORTS: GREEN LIGHT. Continue.
WUMBAR LAMBUTT: How about a conversion tool that tells people what they would weigh on other planets?
CHORTS: MAKE IT HAPPEN.
TAD TABDAT: Anagram assistance engine - a widget that helps the user solve difficult word puzzles.
CHORTS: Why didn’t we add that sooner?!
CUD ST. BIDDLES: Calculator?
GLANDULARRY SMITH: A nautical shipping forecast?
CHORTS: LOVE IT.
MARNMY SCOTT: Mr. Chorts, I’m wondering if we’re going overboard here …
CHORTS: WHEN I WANT YOU TO WEIGH IN, MARNMY, I’LL TELL YOU. GET OUT.
MARNMY SCOTT: Is that, perhaps, just a bit of scale humor?
CHORTS: It is! But seriously, get out.