Like a baby, but actually a tablet!
When people ask me why I always say that technology is ruining traditional living, this is what I show them. It's a tablet that comes with a CRADLE! Can you believe that? A CRADLE! It's not a baby, people. It's a tablet, a Sony Xperia with a powerful quad-core NVIDIA Tegra 3 quad-core processor and universal remote functionality.
Do I occasionally look down at its 9.4" touchscreen and see a twinkle of youth, a faint spark that makes me yearn to swaddle it in a blanket and raise it as my own? Do I have visions of teaching it how to chop wood, of showing it how to sow its own soccer balls out of tattered tires, of watching it go off to college so it can study air traffic controlling?
No! Of course I don't. Because it's a tablet, so it doesn't need to be rock-a-bye-babied to sleep every night in a cradle.
Wait, did I misunderstand something here?