Zmodo 8-Channel Surveillance System

by wootbot

I Think, Therefore I Cam

Act now for your chance to reaffirm the permanence of the external universe!

Are you tired of wondering whether reality exists when you’re not there to perceive it? Do you wake up day after day after day, unsure if the world is “real” or just a fabrication of your fickle senses? Do you ever worry that your entire life has been a bizarre experiment carried out by some sort of malicious trickster god?

Well, worry no more. The Zmodo 8-Channel Surveillance System with 4 Weatherproof IR Cameras is going to revolutionize the way you confirm objective reality.

When you close the closet door, how do you know that the towels, blankets and walls inside don’t suddenly disappear and leave nothing behind but a swirling maelstrom of Void? How do you know that the part of the backyard you can't see from the kitchen window isn't in a state of Negation, of Unbeing? Simply set one of the four included motion-activated IR cameras in any location you want to confirm exists outside the machinations of your own mind, and – say it with me – “AVOID EXISTENTIAL SOLIPSISM!”

The Zmodo 8-Channel Surveillance System comes with a standalone DVR, mounting hardware, and all the cables you need to start empirically confirming the universe. except a hard drive to store visual representations of reality, and a monitor to observe them. The Remote View feature to keep tabs on reality from your iPhone or Android. Of course, we can't guarantee that those devices aren't themselves merely psycho-linguistic constructs without physical substance. We can't even guarantee there is such a thing as physical substance.

In fact, each individual camera may itself cease to exist when you are not observing it. But that’s why we’ve included four cameras! Simply set one camera up to observe the other camera, and then…but wait. Then you must set up another camera to confirm the existence of that camera. Maybe if you tied strings to all the objects you want to be sure exist, and then tug on those strings when you’re not near them…

Oh no. It’s all a charade. Is anybody there!? HELLO??? So cold. So alone.