quality posts: 17 Private Messages WootBot


Relationships take work. Hard work. Lots of hard, tedious, soul-searching work. For all the talk of "love at first sight," it's not that easy. You have to learn to live with someone, learn to accept their weird idiosyncrasies, overcome their deep-rooted emotional baggage, and convince yourself that they're not secretly disgusted with you and doing this whole thing just as a joke that's being fed to a website somewhere like some kind of Truman Show from hell. At least that's my experience. Oh, and spying. Healthy, trusting relationships take lots and lots of spying. That's why you need Find His Porn...


successful business woman on a laptop
"For the last time, it's not a scavenger hunt."


See, according to Find His Porn's "staggering" (and un-cited) statistics, someone is spending $89 on porn EVERY SECOND. Staggering! So Find His Porn offers you, a frightened woman, a chance to find out just what sort of filth the man in your life is using to dull the ceaseless pain of being with you. And obviously the site has to be called "Find HIS Porn" because only men use porn and only women have a problem with porn, right? Sweeping generalizations are almost as fun as made up statistics!

Just check out the demo, which shows you how the program will helpfully track down every dirty website, picture, video, and any other file on your computer through, uh, magic. I guess. (The video, PS, is NSFW on account of them showing actual porn.)

I'm not here to judge you if you use porn, have an issue with porn, or both. Not to get all Dan Savage on you guys, but if you're having a problem with your significant other's porn consumption I think actually TALKING to them about it, in a calm, rational tone, and discussing your feelings out in the open is your best option. I think, on the scope of possible actions one can take, anything involving spying on  someone you love falls towards the "worst possible choice" end of things. Think about it: if you DO suspect that your significant other is looking at some kind of filth that's eating away at you, do you really want to see it firsthand? If you have issues with porn, I'd suggest not seeking it out in the first place. And what if you don't find anything? Is your curiosity going to be sated? Or is it just going to be consumed by a new, crippling doubt that not only is your spouse a pervert, but he or she is also a computer hacking mastermind capable of weaving a matrix of deception around you? What's even real any more? 

Thom and Francine
"Congratulations on the start of your path of lies, deception, and emotional espionage."

Dear reader, if you have issues that are causing you to consider spying on someone you love, do everyone involved a favor and get some therapy. I don't mean "I need therapy because I'm crazy," I mean "I'm using therapy to help me work through some stuff that's really holding me back." Preferably couples therapy, but if your other half won't go then that's something else to talk about during your session.

And if you ARE going to spy on someone, don't use a company that makes stuff up as they go, uses outmoded gender stereotypes from the 1950s, and charges you $20 a pop on top of it.

What do you think? Can spying be justified? Does their lack of detail and hackneyed reference to midget porn make you think the whole thing is a scam? Use your free hand to let us know in the comments!




Flickr photos (in order) successful business woman on a laptop by Search Engine People Blog  and Thomas and Francine by Francine Mastini used under a Creative Commons License.


quality posts: 7 Private Messages paigeg

OK, apparently, someone at Woot has some issues.
I actually do have a lot to share on this topic. But, well, it's in the past, and this IS the InterWeb. I think I'll keep it to myself, thanks.


quality posts: 38 Private Messages goldenthorn

Lemme tell you! Men are like this. And women? They're like that. IT'S TEH BATTLE OF THE SEXXORZ! And don't even get me start on airplane food!

Heh, but really, mai opinions, let me show u them: I think this is a terrible service encouraging the continuation of socialized gendering stupidity. If a person has trust issues (legitimate or not) and can't manage to talk about or work on them? Just end the relationship. And then there's the whole invasion of privacy thing... oy vey!

Yeah. So. I agree with you, woot writer. Bro-five!


quality posts: 2 Private Messages rickseiden

If it were free, I'd try it on the three laptops I've just taken out of the box and setup. They've been on the Internet to get updates to Windows, and download some basic software like LibreOffice and Skype. Any Food Network found on them would have to be from the factory!


quality posts: 4 Private Messages whataworld

My free hand loves pr0n, especially midget pr0n. My sweetie knows this. He accidentally got me midget pr0n for my birthday. That's why I keep him. We're serendipitous like that.


quality posts: 0 Private Messages alakahkid

Well, there's no worries if you watch it together...



quality posts: 2 Private Messages klozitshoper

This is about so much more - there is no room in my head. Serious problems/issues indeed.


quality posts: 0 Private Messages FrancineMastini

Please remove my wedding picture. It is not available for use. Thank you.