quality posts: 17 Private Messages WootBot


There are plenty of places on Woot where you can find helpful information. This is not one of those places. Every week we will be comparing 3 pairs of things that shouldn’t be compared using this formula: Unrelated Thing X vs. Unrelated Thing Y in terms of Function Z. Facts will be misunderstood, overlooked, or changed for the sake of the argument. Enjoy.

1. A Headband vs. A Twin in terms of Playing Darts

Since your twin is the exact same person as you, he would probably make a pretty evenly-matched dart partner (or “dartner,” as the pros say). And having someone to play darts with may seem absolutely necessary. But it isn’t. Darts is a turn-based game, and while you may be racing to another player, your main opponent is the board itself. And let me tell you, the board is a fierce competitor. Seriously, the way it just hangs there, barely flinching as you throw sharp objects at it: why, it’s enough to make you lose your head. Or, at least, it would be if you didn’t have something wrapped around your head, reminding you at every moment that it is, in fact, there.


A Headband

2. Pinto Beans vs. Rice in terms of Painting

This one might seem simple. You probably think that since pinto beans can be crushed into a liquid-y mush, they’d have an easier time being picked up by the bristles of a paint brush and, in turn, applied to a blank canvas. But it’s not that simple. Not for me, at least. You see, I live by a set of rules, and one of those rules is, when in doubt, always choose the option that will NOT make it look like you’ve been playing with your own poop.



3. An Unpredictable Eye Twitch vs. Long Fingernails in terms of Making Friends at the Laundromat

An eye twitch can be misinterpreted as a friendly wink. Long fingernails can be correctly interpreted as a general laziness in regards to one’s personal appearance. But there is a time and a place for everything. And, likewise, there is a time and a place in which even the most innocent gesture can be inappropriate. For example, if your eye were to twitch at someone who was loading his or her undergarments into a laundry machine, it may be taken as a lewd flirtation; on the other hand, in a place where quarters are often dropped, by accident, into tight spaces, long fingernails can be extremely helpful.

Long Fingernails

Last week's Rebuttal of the Week goes to user TimDroz totally slapped me across the face with his intellect:

In terms of a Rat Tail (Hair) vs. A Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) in terms of Winning an Eating Contest, a Rat’s Tail (Rodent Appendage) is clearly the greater advantage when you can place one in your opponent's dish. Unless you're competing against a cat.

Now, it's your turn to put up your dukes and contest one of the above comparisons. I'll choose my favorite one... two weeks from now! That's right, Completely Unfair Comparisons is taking a week off!

Photos:"Headband" by flickr user, Incase.; "Basmati Rice" by flickr user, cookbookman17; "Scratcher" by flickr user, jurvetson. All used under a Creative Commons License.


quality posts: 2 Private Messages dpostman

How could the headband win? An identical twin dartner would definately be more of an advantage. The twin could buy a round of "Aiming Fluid", what you non-professionals refer to as beer. And if the twin were to open a tab, you can get all the aiming fluid you want and say just put it on my tab, what can be more fun than that?


quality posts: 26 Private Messages w00tgurl

i thought the hand belonged to a Mob Wives member

Cat & Duck's Investigative Assistant
LONG LIVE WOOT CLUE 2012! r.i.p. you are miseed


quality posts: 6 Private Messages astevenscr

A twin is easily the better option when playing darts. When you lose, you simply disappear and the twin is stuck paying off your foolhardy bets on yourself.


quality posts: 1 Private Messages burgoftwins

Eye twitch has the clear advantage for several reasons. For one thing, you can avert your eyes so as not to be misconstrued. Even if you inadvertently twitch while making eye contact with another lauderer – hellllooo – you can apologize and be truthful. “Hey, sorry about my eye twitch. Some people think I'm a pervert; actually, they dropped those charges.” Conversely, it may work to your advantage. You may be too shy to bust a move at the Launderama Babe-o-rama, but the eye twitch takes care of it for you! As far as those talons, what's more gross than those? Nurses are not allowed to wear artificial nails, as they are known as an ideal environment for culturing fungus. And – the medicine to treat that can kill you! Even if they're naturally grown claws, who knows where those have been and what they've picked at? Ew. Give me an eye twitch any day.

Louise E. Burg


quality posts: 8 Private Messages cbrett42

The headband may have the advantage for simply playing darts, but where I come from, you play to win. And everyone knows that the longer the dart game the bigger the honor that comes with winning. But these marathon dart sessions can be tiring and affect your dart playing ability. So what would come in handy? Making like you're in a bad sitcom/movie and pulling the ol' identical twin switcheroo. Then you've got a fresh arm throwing the darts, and your opponent's none the wiser.

Advantage: a twin


quality posts: 6 Private Messages pmillsrulz

Yeah but-(haha, I said 'but')-putting rice on canvas is foolish. Canvas is white. Rice is white, or sometimes cream-colored. It wouldn't make for an interesting painting. No real complexity. No rich symbolism. But pinto beans, with their varying brown and tan colors, smeared onto white canvas, as if to say, ‘Here I am! Look at this! Soak me in water for hours-with a pinch of baking soda to cut down on flatulence-and boil me! I will fuel your creative juices! I will quench that need for self-expression! I am also delicious on white tortillas!’
Advantage: Pinto Beans


quality posts: 6 Private Messages astevenscr

You've got it all wrong on the painting side. You seem to imply that the question is what would be better to paint with. The real question is what would it be better to paint ON.

People have painted on grains of rice for years. For example, see this image:

While certainly impressive, think what they could do with the much larger canvas size provided by a pinto bean!

Advantage pinto bean.

Alternatively, the question might mean, what is the better meal to eat to improve your painting. We all know that some of the best work is created by a sense of urgency. Nothing imparts a sense of urgency like a good bean meal.

Advantage pinto beans.


quality posts: 2 Private Messages eddieregi

I thought the comparisons were between 'unrelated' items. Oh, sure, beans are a protein source and rice a carbohydrate, but that's not much more different than fraternal twins. Beans and rice actually are very complementary.

You want unrelated foods with which to attempt painting? Here are my suggestions:
-tofu and rock candy.
-rocky mountain oysters and truffles.
-Fritos and caviar.