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Between black Friday and cyber Monday, it’s an eventful time of year for retail. Hopefully your business was able to make some extra money. But if it wasn’t, don’t worry: there will always be other days. In fact, what about today? Or tomorrow? Or the next day?

I mean, when you think about it, Black Friday and Cyber Monday are just random days that people decided were important. What’s stopping us from making more big shopping days out of nothing? In fact, we here at the Sean Adams University of Business Management Development Leadership have a few ideas for days that’ll surely pull in the big-time revenue. Take a look:

Nunday Mondays: big discounts for anyone dressed as a nun!

Pomegranate Tuesdays: Mark everything in your store down by 40%. Then, when people come to the counter, say “Wouldn’t you rather buy a pomegranate than that thing?” Make sure to say it really loud fast so that a few people will be so confused that they’ll just say, “Sure” just to be polite. Then charge them whatever they were going to pay for a pomegranate.

Behind-The-Door Wednesdays: all items are behind doors. Prices are super low, but what are you buying?!?! Imagine the hysteria! (Doesn’t work so well if you’re a specialty store that sells one thing. Gets really confusing if you’re a specialty store whose specialty is doors.)

Candle Thursdays: before opening, walk through your store with a candle. Huge savings on everything it drips on!

Pan Fry-day: You get a stove installed in the counter of your store. If anyone can successfully pan-fry and eat their purchase, they get to keep the pan for free! (Warning: if you’re a grocery store, you’re going to give away a lot of free pans.)

You Try and Steal Stuff, I’ll Try to Hit you in the Knee with this Curtain Rod first Saturday of the Month: think of how enticing it would be for the customer! They can walk out of the store with anything they want for free, as long as they can physically walk out of the store.

We are One Sundays: You pay for half of every customer’s purchase. (Be sure to double all of your prices first, otherwise this could be a disastrous sales day!)

Those are our ideas for sales days. Now it’s your turn? What special day would your business introduce?


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This is probably not related to Sean University, but did one of you do something to the Onion?

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