Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

LONDON (UPI) -- The day-old son of Prince William and his wife, Kate Middleton, was born with the heaviest birth weight of any future British monarch in generations: 8 pounds, 6 ounces.

The royal spokesperson says that doctors who refer to the future king as "Henry The Weight" face immediate imprisonment in the Tower of London.



SAN DIEGO (UPI) -- Director Joss Whedon said at San Diego Comic-Con the sequel to 2012's "The Avengers" blockbuster will be called "Avengers: Age of Ultron."

Insiders hint the movie takes place inside a sports bar, leading many to believe that Ultron's age will be at least 21.


WASHINGTON, July 10 (UPI) -- An unmanned drone carried out the first drone arrested landing on a modern aircraft carrier when it landed on the USS George H.W. Bush, the U.S. Navy said.

The drone is now being kept in a hanger the end of a undisclosed street, only referred to as "the highway to the danger drone."


X-47B launches from USS George H.W. Bush


LOS ANGELES (UPI) -- Los Angeles police said they have named rapper Kanye West a suspect in an attempted robbery after he allegedly tried to take a camera from a paparazzo.

Sources close to West say the rapper was simply taking part in a more physical version of the time-honored music tradition of sampling.

X-47B launches from USS George H.W. Bush from Official U.S. Navy Imagery are used under a Creative Commons License.Other images via Wikipedia and appear under fair use.