Cheap, but not as cheap as your love for me turned out to be.

Hey, Maria. I know it must be pretty weird getting a package from me left just outside the door of the hotel room you and I were supposed to be enjoying the first night of our married life together in. Imagine how weird it was for me to hear you and Steve (His name is Steve, right? Everything happened so fast, you know?) had the solid brass nerves to stay there! But it’s cool. Sure, your decision to leave me at the altar and crush my heart and dreams simultaneously in front of our friends and family was rough, but I figure there’s no reason to be bitter about it. You’re obviously happier and I, probably after a lot of time and therapy, will be, too. Eventually. I guess. Why hold grudges?

So, you’re not going to find some crazy cry for help or something in the little box attached to this letter. No, I’m taking the high road and giving you the Flip MinoHD 4GB Camcorder (current generation, by the way) I bought to capture all of the amazing honeymoon moments I was sure we were going to have together. You know, as a married couple. See, after I heard that you took the tickets to Mexico so that you and Scott (Samuel? Sancho?) could run off there, I figured I sure as heck didn’t need to record high-quality H.264 videos in 16:9 widescreen and HD 720p at 60 frames per second. You two probably need 4GB of internal storage and a rechargeable internal Lithium-ion battery as you start your new life together. Oh, and don’t worry about the cost, ‘cause this thing was a steal at only forty bucks! It was totally the least expensive thing associated with the Wedding That Didn’t Happen that I spent a few thousand dollars paying for. Not that I’m bitter or anything. Just remember to upload your videos using the pre-loaded FlipShare™ software so you can post them to Facebook™, Twitter™ and YouTube™, okay? That way if people ask me uncomfortable questions about what happened, I can just provide them a link to a web page!

Just one thing, though: you’ll probably want to delete the hour long video of me sitting on the steps of the church screaming “WHY?” and pleading with God himself to bring you back at the top of my lungs until the cops showed up. You could watch it on the 2” anti-glare color display, sure, but it might only bring you and Sean (Seth? Scout?) down. And hey, let’s all get coffee or something together when you get back into town, okay? I’ll even bring all two hundred and fifty of the special “Maria and David FOREVER” candle holders you picked out so you can have them. After all, that’s what friends do for each other, right?

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