When you've got a Mint, it's no mystery how your floor got so clean.

An excerpt from my rejected spec script for the show, Sherlock:

Int.  British Room  Day

SHERLOCK enters, looking tall, vampire-y, and British. JOHN WATSON follows him in, also in looking British but not as tall and pretty much vampire-free.

The room is decorated with ANTIQUE-Y BRITISH-LOOKING STUFF. A small TERRIER sleeps on the couch. The room is very clean and SHERLOCK and JOHN are the only people in it.

SHERLOCK: Wait, John. Don't take another step. I've already figured out everything there is to know about this room.

JOHN: Well then, please explain it while the camera does a bunch of really fast zooms, weird cuts, and the like.

SHERLOCK: Certainly...

While SHERLOCK explains, the camera does a bunch of really fast zooms, weird cuts, and the like.

SHERLOCK (continued): What is wrong with this room, John?

JOHN: I don't know.

SHERLOCK: It's clean, that's what's wrong. We're investigating the murder of the maid of a suspicious-seeming stock broker. She was murdered last Thursday, as established in a previous scene with similar camera cuts. Yet this room is freshly swept and wet-mopped. Within the last hour, in fact. And whoever did it was very good. Look here, these edges - perfectly spotless. And look over there, who's that?

JOHN: Muffy, the broker's terrier.

SHERLOCK: Yes, now look down. The floor - the hardwood floor - do you see any pet hair?

JOHN: No.

SHERLOCK: Exactly, so whoever cleaned this room did so while Muffy slept, so we know the cleaner was here recently and we know he was quiet, whisper-quiet.

SHERLOCK takes a WEIRD FLASHLIGHT THING out of his pocket and shines it on the ground.

SHERLOCK (continued): Now, set your eyes on this! This flashlight thing that I'm using illuminates the cleaner's path around the room by doing something science-y and unexplainable. As you can see, the cleaner was not on his feet, but instead a set of wheels, perhaps a skateboard? No. That's nonsense. A skateboard couldn't move so robotically precisely as these paths imply. Why, it almost seems as if the wheels were guided by a nav system, a NorthStar Navigation System, to be more specific. And if I'd guess, I'd say whoever made them shares his or its name with a particularly leafy herb whose flavor goes well with chocolate, especially in ice cream.

JOHN: Where did you get that from?

SHERLOCK: That's not important, John. What is important is that this person - or device - murdered the maid in order to take her position and ascend the ranks of the stock broker's house staff.

JOHN: so, who is he?

SHERLOCK: No idea.

JOHN: Really?

SHERLOCK: Oh, don't get me wrong. I should be able to figure it out, considering how quickly I got all that, but the writers always have to make sure that I miss something or else the show would be over in, like, 10 minutes. So what do you want to do until something random that someone says triggers that realization?

JOHN: I don't know... we could go to another restaurant where the waiter will think we're a couple?

SHERLOCK: Ah, yes! That's hilarious every time! Off we go!

They exit the room.

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