Look, I was okay with just the sharktopus, but a Shark Navigator Vacuum? Who’s giving this guy all his grant money?

We’re in an economic crisis, you know? There are people out there looking for jobs! Sure, there’s a place for science at all times, but let’s put the money into cancer and HIV and space exploration, and not, you know, mixing sharks with other things.

Listen, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the Shark NV22T-FS Navigator Vacuum as a vacuum. It’s a very nice vacuum that picks up dirt and dust just like a shark, apparently. And that’s great for the vacuum. But it takes a lot of work and a lot of cash to fuse sharks with other things, be they octopuses or warthogs or trees or lightweight, easy to maneuver vacuums, and do we really have all that to waste these days? Sure, back in the 90s, why not? We all had money, gas was like a nickel, everyone had lots of free time, why not cross a shark with a hedgehog and see what happens! But right now? Today that grant money could be going to a much better purpose. Really, if this guy absolutely has to mad scientist it up, why not cross a teacher with a playground? A slide that could explain math, that’s something the world really needs! And yet, we’ve got a crazy shark-based bagless vacuuming system that lets you clean multiple rooms from a single outlet, thanks to the 30 foot power cord. Good stuff, admittedly, but hey, now it’s been done! Why keep at it? What more do we need to learn about shark genetics that isn’t already in the folder?

There’s going to come a time when the economy is stable again, and that’s when we can begin the golden age of speculative shark research. But right now? Move on, Igor! Our nation has made tne sharktopus and the Shark NV22T-FS Navigator Vacuum. We don’t need more, okay? Let’s use what we’ve got, to clean rooms and scare all the people away from beaches or whatever, and find something better to do with the money. And maybe put the guy to work in some lab where he can do more than just obsessing over sharks. Where did he even go to school, anyway? Did he get a degree in sharktopus anatomy? A doctorate in speculative vacuuming? What ever happened to the liberal arts?

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