When she finds out what you’ve been doing locked in your room late at night, your aunt may have questions.

Peter? Peter, will you come down here a moment? There’s something I want to talk to you about.

Peter, I know things are difficult for you right now in ways I can’t even begin to understand. Growing up is hard enough but, ever since your uncle passed away, you’ve had to take on all this new responsibility all at once. You’re trying to balance school, your new job, and your silly old aunt. It’s no wonder you’re so exhausted all the time.

But I have to admit, Peter, that I’ve been a little worried about you. You’re gone at all hours of the night and you never leave your room when you’re here. I barely even get a “good night” or a “good morning” out of you anymore. I’ve felt like you’re keeping something from me, Peter, and that’s not like you at all. So I took a chance this morning and checked to see if you'd locked your door after you’d left. It was open. And now I think I know what this is all about.

Peter, I found this lying at the foot of your bed this morning.

Don’t be alarmed. It’s okay. I’m not upset. Troubled, maybe, but not upset. But you really should have come to me with this, you know, because this is some of the weakest stitch work I’ve ever seen in all my life.

Have you honestly been trying to make this costume by hand? Why on Earth would you do a thing like that when I’ve got a perfectly good Singer Perfect Finish LCD Sewing Machine AND a Thread Serger down in the basement? You know the sewing machine has more than 400 built-in stitches for whatever you need. I’d have been more than happy to show you how the mirror imaging and the elongation functions work. Heck, the electronic auto pilot nearly does all the work for you! The large LCD display screen makes it so easy to program, too. A smart boy like you would certainly have no trouble operating it.

And the Thread Serger should help patch up these sleeves so nicely, especially since the differential feed will keep the… Is this spandex? Anyway, it’ll keep it from stretching and puckering. I mean, I don’t want to belittle your efforts, young man, but I’ve been sewing for quite some time, and this just looks like sloppy work. And why are there so many holes in it? It’s like you got into a fight with a mechanical octopus or something. No worries, though. Your dear old aunt will have this thing looking brand new in no time at 1,300 Stitches per minute.

I know you don’t want to trouble me but, honestly, I don’t know what possessed you to make your own Halloween costume with everything you have going on. I would’ve just done it for you! Now then, you let me take care of this while you go upstairs do something about all those cobwebs in your room. I’ll call the exterminators to come tomorrow to take care of the nasty little spider infestation in there.

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