There may not be any actual bands or hipster cred for being there, but the bathrooms are cleaner. Well, somewhat cleaner, anyway.

No teenagers with an over-inflated sense of entitlement. No aging hipsters trying desperately to hold on to their dwindling youth. No crowds, no over-priced beer, and absolutely no chance for heat exhaustion as long as the air-conditioning holds out. It’s just going to be me, some buddies, whatever beer we can buy with the change we find in the couch, and our favorite bands pumping through my Yamaha 5.1 Home Theater Speaker System with Powered Subwoofer.

Heck yeah, we’re old. And guess what? I like being comfortable and could give two twists of a peghead about whether or not I lose cool points because of it. “Being there” loses a lot of its appeal when it’s followed by “being at the doctor’s office.” This 5.1-channel speaker package with its five acoustically matched speakers and 100W subwoofer gives me concert quality music reproduction that puts me as close to the action as I care to be without putting my health insurance deductible at risk.

So you kids have fun standing around in the middle of nowhere with your expensive tickets and your hopes that Radiohead might play more than eight songs in their set. We’ll just be listening to their albums on shuffle until the pizza guy gets to my place. I’m telling you, this is going to be the best time since Pete threw that Cans of Chili film festival in his garage last spring!

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