Hello, little one. You're not ready yet. You're going to have to stay in this car seat for a while until you catch up with the world.
You see, there was a time when you'd be perfectly okay sitting on someone's lap. But those days are long gone. You've got to grow before you can sit on your own. Oh, and also, you can't go to the park alone or someone will call the cops on you. But we can worry about that later, right? Today, it's about the car seat.
And don't you worry, little one! You'll be safe in this car seat for a long, long time. It'll take you from the secluded school to the pre-scheduled play groups and back to a nice, empty room at home where you won't be distracted by things like "toys" and "games." Did you know people used to play superheroes when they were little? Ha! Can you imagine that? Everybody knows that superheroes are for grown ups now! Oh, don't worry, we'll tell you what they are when you're sixteen or so. That's about the time you'll be allowed to start watching horror movies. Not the scary ones, though. Just the funny ones.
Anyway, right now all you need to worry about is being kept safe. So climb into this car seat and be happy! And then, maybe around your mid-thirties, you can start to take a few risks. Well, maybe financial risks. Oh, but only with the interest. You don't want to touch the principal. Your mother and I worked too hard to set up that trust fund so you'd never have to worry.