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Black Friday? Stay hidden inside. Every other day? Get out and walk!

Black Friday is the worst day. THE. WORST. DAY. Everybody woke up at like 4 in the morning and they're tired and angry now, and then they all had to stand in line most of the night, and THEN they all ran around past other people who also are angry and exhausted in an attempt to get the same four or five laptops, which means most of them are going to be angry tired failures and then they're going to wander the streets like failure zombies and try to explain to the rest of us all the things of which we simply do not care.

So please, consider this your invitation to spend all day hanging out on our sites and thereby avoid the hideous world of Black Friday which is taking place just outside your door today. And then, when this Fitbit arrives, only then should you step out into the world again. Then you can begin walking, and exercising, and feeling oh so happy.

But today? Today you should stay away from real-world everything. It'll only bring tears. And sadness. And complete wonderment as to how Black Friday even became a thing.

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