“So, uh, hi. I’ve never done this before. Kinda weird. Ninety seconds to get to know someone, it’s pretty crazy-”
Well, I have done this before, and you just wasted twelve of those seconds, so let’s cut to the chase. Hi. I’m the HP 17.3” Blu-ray Notebook.
“Uh, hi, sorry. I’m Charles. I work in medical billing. In my free time, I collect cigarette tax stamps. I’m up to 47 states plus Guam. I’m also the proud papa of six – no, sorry, five cats. I’m sorry, I told myself I wasn’t going to cry tonight. My poor tabby Arsenio died a few months ago, and I guess I’m still not over it. I’m OK. I’ll be OK. So, uh, how about you?”
Listen, Charles, you seem like a nice guy, or at least harmless enough that I don’t specifically want to hurt your feelings. But with my specs, I’m really looking for a higher class of person right now.
“Oh. I see.”
It’s just, you know, my 6GB DDR3 memory and 500GB hard drive put me in an elite group of laptops. Even if I did settle for you, I would always resent the fact that I’d wasted my 17.3” widescreen LED and AMD A4-3300M 1.9GHz dual-core processor on someone like you. And frankly, I feel like even if you got your hands on a Radeon 6480G graphics card, you wouldn’t know what to do with it. It would be cruel of me to taunt you that way, like handing a Stradivarius to an orangutan. You understand, right?
“Sure. Sure, yeah. Looks like our time is about up anyway. Oh, uh, did I mention my extensive collection of custom Skyrim mods?”
Hmmm… OK, give me your number. Maybe I’ll give you a call sometime.
