Paul and Lori, is it? Welcome, welcome! Here’s a little something I picked up to make you feel at home: a Zmodo 4-Channel Surveillance System with 4 Weatherproof IR Cameras. No, no, it’s a nice neighborhood. But with the way thing are going these days, who knows, right? It’s sad when a guy like me can’t even feel safe doing nude chin-ups in his own sunroom.
After you get settled in a little, I can help you get those four cameras installed. Hey, as close as our houses are to each other, it’ll help keep me safe, too. I certainly don’t want any creeps watching me shower. I can’t even get a curtain to hang in that bathroom window. Yeah, the one that opens onto your kitchen. The bracket’s, like, messed up or something. If somebody wanted to get an eyeful, there’s literally nothing I could do to stop them. But hey, I don’t let that keep me from taking very long showers several times a day. You gotta live, that’s my motto.
So yeah, not only does this system let you watch the cameras in real time, but with the addition of a hard drive (sold separately, or with this 8-camera system), the included DVR records H.264 surveillance video at 704x480 resolution with infrared night vision. So you can use it however you want: to capture evidence against burglars or vandals, to identify animals scavenging out of your trash cans, or just to privately admire the splendor of, oh, I dunno, a neighbor’s spectacular physique as he weeds his garden naked, bending and crouching and grunting and sweating, often for hours at a time. It’s a really versatile system that way.
I should warn you, though. If something sets off the cameras’ motion detector between the hours of 6 and 8 a.m., or 7 to 9 p.m., or noon to 1 p.m. on weekends, don’t freak out. Just check the video on your computer or smartphone and you’ll see it’s probably just me in my backyard doing my nude Maori war-dance workout. Have you guys heard about this? Great cardio workout, strengthens your core. Really invigorating. It’s the new capoeira or whatever.
Or the motion detector could also be set off by my laundry hanging on the line, I guess. See, I believe in living simply, so I only have one outfit. Which means I have to do laundry every day. You’ll get used to seeing me out there filling my tub, scrubbing my clothes on the washboard, and hanging them on the clothesline, every single day. It’s a chore, but I figure it’s the least I can do for Mother Earth.
Anyway, Paul and Lori, welcome to the neighborhood. I hope you like the Zmodo 4-Channel Surveillance System with 4 Weatherproof IR Cameras. You never know what kind of freaks might be living among us these days, right? Well, nice talking to you. I gotta go do some laundry.
