Life began among the dirty filthy puddles of the past. If you don't clean your floor, it might overthrow us.

Did you know that we aren't the first creatures to live on this planet? It's true! Before humanity was the alpha predator, there were others. And from them, we gathered what we needed to survive. We ate the crumbs they dropped, we lived in the darkness of their homes, and we survived in places they ignored. And now look. We're running the show. SO WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE WE AREN'T OVERTHROWN THE SAME WAY.

In that baseboard? The amoebas who will evolve to crush humanity. Crushed beneath that sofa? The crumbs that feed the mice who will soon take up arms against our leaders. The death of our species is coming and it cannot be stopped... unless you get a Bissell and start cleaning up down there. These carpet cleaners and vacuums are more than enough to eradicate any of that ick that will otherwise work its way up to be the dominant species within the next twenty to eighty hundred million years.

Of course that seems like a long time, but remember the last time you went to the dentist? And now it's almost dentist time again! These things sneak up on you if you're not paying attention!