Comes personalized (if your name is YETI).

LIVE at the National Association of "Scientists" Press Conference:

Thank you all for being here today. There have been a lot of rumors flying around in the last 24 hours regarding a possible discovery made early yesterday morning, and so I wanted to address those in person. I can now confirm, with great excitement from the "scientific" community, that those rumors are true. We have uncovered evidence that definitively proves the existence of a humanoid creature commonly referred to as Bigfoot, Sasquatch, or in this case, Yeti.

At this time, I'd like to open it up to questions from the press. Mira, you first.

What exactly is the evidence uncovered by scientists yesterday morning?

Good question. We found a 100% leak-proof portable cooler. Dave?

And was it the contents of the cooler that provided the most convincing evidence?

No, actually. Although the contents were interesting. We found three cans of energy drink and half a tuna sandwich in plastic wrap, all of which were appropriately chilled and perfectly dry. Lisa?

So ... what WAS the most convincing evidence for the existence of the Yeti? 

Oh, it was the bag itself! Let me just project those photos and ... there. You see it? Right on the front of the bag. It says his name. Or her name. We haven't yet confirmed the creature's gender. Steve?

That ... just says YETI.

Precisely. Who else but a yeti would have the word "YETI" printed on its soft-sided lunch cooler? I have one too. You see, it says D-A-V-E right there on the front.

:::collective groans from the press:::

Wait! Where are you all going? I haven't even showed you the best part! THE SHELL IS MILDEW-RESISTANT!

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