SITTING ALL DAY IS KILLING YOU.
It's true. You're slowly dying by sitting idle all day long. But not for the reason you think. Supposed "experts" have told us time and again that a lack of exercise is detrimental to our health. And while most of us could benefit from a little more daily activity, the truth is that the cause for concern is a lot more nefarious.
We're talking governmental conspiracy on a grand scale. Worldwide cover-up. It's no secret that global population has reached critical mass. What isn't so transparent is the method of control. What no one wants you to know is that microscopic alien robots are invading your body AS YOU READ THIS. They enter through tiny pores on the back of your ankles and wreak havoc on your well-being.
DON'T WALK AWAY. It's true. All of it. Fortunately, there's a simple solution. You just have to buy one of these Under Desk Ellipticals ... and then use it. That last part is key. Microscopic alien robots are repelled by CO2. So the harder you work, the harder you'll breathe and the more CO2 you'll expel. That, and it's really hard for those little suckers to latch on when your legs are moving so fast.