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Invicta Men’s Vintage Watch - $34.99

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:00:15 -0600

We Are Officially Out Of Ideas

Gentlemen, I don’t think I need to tell you that we here at Detective Clocks have a bit of a crisis on our hands.

It’s getting tougher and tougher to sell clocks out there, people. We’ve lost the kids, lost the small amount of women due to over-sexualization and the lack of diversity in clock making. Sadly, our main demographic are men in their thirties who’d rather talk about how our BatClocks were better years ago, how they could make a better SuperClocks, and mocking our poor, beloved AquaClocks on the Internet.

The good news is we’ve managed to keep these horrid fanboys buying our products through a combination of recycled clock making and nostalgia. We’ve done large scale crossovers, alternate reality versions, and we’ve nearly killed and resurrected nearly every clock we make. We’ve even taken to rebooting out entire warehouse every few years or so. Now, the well of ideas has run dry. That, combined with our inability to create anything new and meaningful, may break us entirely.

Maybe now is the time we start taking risks, we told ourselves. Maybe we can use this lull to try original, bold ideas in our clocks. Maybe we should stop following the whims of an unknowable bunch of basement dwellers and strike out in a brave new direction.

And then we remembered we still had the rights to that much-loved Watch Men series of clocks from twenty-five years ago and figured we hadn’t milked that for all it’s worth.

So here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to tell the story of what happened BEFORE the Watch Men through these Invicta Men’s Vintage Watches. People familiar with the Swiss quartz movements and flame-fusion crystal will immediately be interested in returning to the stylish elegance of the past! And the fanboys that scream in all caps in the forums won’t be able to fight the quality components that make up each one, from the bold metallic dial with silver-toned hour markers right down to the black leather watch strap and stainless steel buckle clasp! We simply can’t lose!

Until this Previous To Watch Men series is over and we’re left with nothing again. Don’t worry, though. We’re planning a line of SandClocks as we speak. Trust me; it’s a better idea than anything Marvel Clocks has come up with recently.

Warranty: 1 Year Invicta

Condition: New

Features:

Reaching back through time, Invicta’s Vintage collection captures the stylish elegance of the past and places it firmly on the wrist of the present
Stainless steel case and stainless steel bezel offers a unique rounded and ribbed texture
Bold metallic dial with silver-toned hour markers and luminous hands are powered by precise Swiss quartz movement
The dial features Arabic numerals at the 3, 6, 9 and 12 ‘o clock positions, along with a date display window at the 3 ‘o clock position
The dial is protected by a flame-fusion crystal
The case boasts a prominent, easy-to-grip, diamond-shaped, push-pull crown on the right side, which features the same ribbed texture found on the bezel
The watch strap is made of black genuine leather and delivers wonderful details in the form of a circular rivet and decorative stitching on each side of the watch case
The watch remains secure thanks to a stainless steel buckle clasp
Case and Dial: 44 mm
Stationary onion-style coin-edge bezel
Fits wrist sizes from 6.75 to 9.0 inches
Water-resistant to 50M (165 feet)

Additional Photos:

In the box:

(1) Invicta Men’s Vintage Collection Watch with Riveted Leather Strap (Choose: Blue, Black, Brown or Yellow)

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Price: $34.99

I want one!

The Debunker: Ken Jennings vs. Sports Myths, Part 1

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:00:00 -0600

January has the big college bowl games, and March has its madness. But when it comes to sports, February is no slouch either. Since 2004, the Super Bowl’s been a February game. There’s the NBA All-Star weekend. Every four years, there’s even a February Olympics. There’s no Winter Olympics this year to brighten your February, so we’ve asked Jeopardy! mega-champ Ken Jennings to show off his jock side and throw a flag on some deeply cherished sports facts you thought you knew. Nobody takes more pride than sports fans in knowing their stuff—but as we’ll see, they’re not always right.

Sports Myth #1: In Baseball, the Tie Goes to the Runner

Everyone knows this, from Little League dads to aggrieved fans heckling major league umps. If the call is too close at a base to be sure, the runner’s safe, right? Well, not so fast, sports fans. Let’s take a look at the major league rulebook.

Rule 6.05 (j) states that “A batter is out when, after a third strike or after he hits a fair ball, he or first base is tagged before he touches he first base” (my italics). So in the case of a batter running to first, the tag has to get there before he does. A simultaneous arrival, then, would go to the runner. But wait! Just a few pages later comes Rule 7.01. “A runner acquires the right to an unoccupied base when he touches it before he is out.” So I guess in the case of the other three bases, it’s the other way around, and the runner needs to get there before the tag? In that case, the tie would go the fielder. We’ve figured it out. But then Rule 7.08 (e) messes everything up again: “Any runner is out when he or the next base is tagged before he touches the next base.”

So what have we learned? First, that the major league rulebook makes the tax code look simple and well-designed. Second, that both the tag and the runner have to get there before the other. The rules are silent on what to do if, heaven forbid, they happen in the same split second. Veteran crew chief Tim McLelland told MLB.com, “That is exactly right. There are no ties. . . . So you have to make the decision.” Tom Hanks once announced that there’s no crying in baseball. It turns out there’s no tying either.

Quick Quiz: In what game is a tie sometimes called a “cat’s game”?

Ken Jennings is the author of Brainiac, Ken Jennings's Trivia Almanac, and Maphead. He's also the proud owner of an underwhelming Bag o' Crap. Follow him at ken-jennings.com or on Twitter as @KenJennings.

Photo by Photography Perspectives - Jeff Smith / Shutterstock.com.

Happy Snacking! Pickley Eggs

Woot — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:01:29 -0600

It's Happy Snacking!, our recurring feature that teaches you the skills you need to make our signature handcrafted, fit-for-human-consumption foodstuffs. Never go hungry between meals again!

This week, your lovable Internet pal Randall Cleveland comes OUT OF HIS SHELL and finds himself IN A PICKLE! Ha! Ha! Get it? Because eggs and pickles.
No, but seriously -- you're sure to give this video a standing OVA-tion! Ha! Ha! What's the matter? Can't you take a YOLK? Ha!

Music Monday: Happy Birthday Rick Astley

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:00:00 -0600

Today's Music Monday is a break from our standard "five examples of" form, but we're doing it with good reason. Today we're celebrating the birthday of a man who found himself caught in the middle of a phenomenon and handled it correctly. He didn't take it too seriously, he didn't start suing people, and he basically stayed out of the way and let it happen around him. In return, the mobs of Internet took care of him, and today his signature hit is STILL getting attention. We recommend you click the image below to RickRoll yourself in his honor:

More than any other artist this side of Tay Zonday and OK Go, the great Rick Astley proves the Internet can make you a household name if you just play along. And today he turns 46! So Happy Birthday to you, our golden voiced giant. We're pretty sure that you and the digital generation are gonna be together forever.

This post's shorter than usual but it's still Music Monday. Join us in the TurntableFM room to celebrate Rick's birthday, and maybe play some other stuff too. Hope to see you there?

Olympus 14MP Digital Camera

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 00:00:06 -0600

Hide This Person

With settings specifically for photos of food, pets, and the beach, you can annoy your Facebook friends like never before.

At first I didn’t understand all the hostile comments. “Thanks, I REALLY care about what you have for dinner EVERY SINGLE DAY,” said one college classmate under a photo of my delicious shrimp risotto.

“omg we get it u hav cats jeeze”: that barb from my cousin (also named Barb) was the only comment posted to a picture of Tiago and Snarl, my two Maine Coons, lounging on the dryer. And when I put up some photos of my trip to South Padre Island, this guy I used to work with went through and posted “IDIOT” to every single one. Why so harsh, you know?

But now that I have an Olympus VR-320, I totally get it. Those people were mad about my food, cat, and beach pics because my old camera just wasn’t doing them justice.

Well, they can stop complaining. It won’t just be the 14MP resolution and 12.5X optical zoom that will bring my shots to life. The VR-320’s 14 scene modes include Cuisine, Pet, and Beach & Snow. So my Facebook friends can look forward to seeing much, much more of Tiago and Snarl, and my upcoming spring break at Sanibel, and my continuing exploration of Epicurious – and in more detail than ever before.

Enjoy them while you can, guys. Because pretty soon I won’t have time to do many of those things. That’s right – Mike and I are pregnant! Do you think baby pictures should use Portrait mode, or would that still be considered Pet?

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year Olympus

Condition: New

Features:

Meet the whole package – slim, stylish and full of features
This camera fits perfectly into a purse and its all-metal body offers a sleek, premium look
An impressive 12.5x zoom perfects all those family shots, and with Magic Art Filters and HD movie recording options, you can guarantee that all your pictures and videos will glamorously capture any night on the town
The 12.5x zoom lets you get incredibly close to your subject while the 24mm wide-angle lens lets you zoom back for panoramas and group shots
A simple, one-touch button allows you to record 720p HD movies with amazing clarity in high-definition, right from your camera
Add style and artistic flair to your photos with Olympus’ Magic Art Filters
All-metal body gives this chic, lightweight camera extra durability
Dual Image Stabilization combines Sensor-Shift Image Stabilization with high ISO sensitivity and fast shutter speeds so you can capture crisp, clear images even if the subject is moving

Overview:

14 MEGAPIXEL: 14 million pixels in the high-resolution CCD create superior image quality. Create poster-sized prints without losing a single detail.
12.5X WIDE-ANGLE OPTICAL ZOOM: The 10x wide-angle (24mm) optical zoom lets you get closer to the action while the 24mm wide-angle lens lets you capture more in your shot.
3-INCH LCD: This huge 3-inch LCD features an extra-wide viewing angle for easier composing and shooting.
HD MOVIE 720P: A simple, one-touch button allows you to record movies with amazing clarity in high-definition, right from your camera.
ALL-METAL BODY: Capture your favorite memories with this chic, lightweight, durable all-metal body camera.
DUAL IMAGE STABILIZATION: Combines Sensor-Shift Image Stabilization with high ISO sensitivity and fast shutter speeds so you can capture crisp, clear images even if the subject is moving.
INTELLIGENT AUTO: The Intelligent Auto setting identifies the scene you’re shooting—portrait, landscape, night portrait, macro, or sport—and adjusts the settings to optimize results.
AF TRACKING: AF Tracking automatically tracks unpredictable, fast-moving subjects such as kids and pets, and continuously adjusts the focus and brightness so you can capture these photogenic whirlwinds with ease.
FACE DETECTION: Face Detection automatically focuses on your subjects’ faces and optimizes exposure for sharp, brilliant portrait pictures.
MAGIC FILTER: Add style and artistic flair to your photos with Olympus’ Magic Art Filters. Joining, Pop Art, Pin Hole, Drawing, Fish Eye, and Soft Focus are the new Punk, which creates a two tone image with a classic punk rock feel, Watercolor, which transforms images into frame-worthy paintings, and Sparkle, which adds a twinkle to your photos. (Effects vary by model)
IN-CAMERA HELP GUIDES: If you feel the need for a little extra advice, the camera’s on-board Help Guides will briefly describe the camera’s features and settings at the touch of a button.

Additional Photos:

Specifications
Image Sensor:	14 Megapixels (effective), 1/2.3”
Focal Length/Lens Configuration:	4.2 – 52.5mm (24 – 300mm equivalent in 35mm photography)
Zoom:	12.5x Optical Zoom + 4x Digital Zoom
Aperture Range:	f3.0 (W) / f5.9 (T)
Display:	3.0” LCD 460K dots
Focus System:	CCD Contrast Detection
Focus Range (from lens surface):	Normal mode: Wide: 23.6” – infinity (0.6m – infinity); Tele: 39.4” – infinity (1.0m – infinity) Macro mode: Wide: 7.9” – infinity (0.2m – infinity); Tele: 35.4” – infinity (0.9m – infinity) Super Macro mode: 0.39” – infinity (0.01m – infinity)
Focus Mode:	iESP, Spot AF, Face Detection AF, AF Tracking
Shutter Speed:	1/2000 sec. –1/2 sec. (up to 4 sec. in Candle Scene mode)
ISO Sensitivity (SOS: Standard Output Sensitivity):	Auto, High Auto, 100, 200, 400, 800, 1600 (equivalent)
Exposure Metering:	Digital ESP Metering, Face Detection AE
White Balance Control:	Auto, Presets (Daylight, Overcast, Tungsten and 3 Fluorescents)
Exposure Compensation:	±2 EV steps in 1/3 EV steps
Image File Format:	Still Image: JPEG Movie: AVI Motion JPEG Motion Blur Suppression: Dual Image Stabilization
Panorama:	PC Panorama (Up to 10 frames automatically stitchable with ib software)
Shooting Assist Functions:	Frame Assist, Voice Recording
Image Processing:	Standard
Noise Reduction:	Set automatically at shutter speeds of 0.5 second or longer in specific scene modes
Image Playback:	Still Image: Single, Index Display (4x3, 6x5), Up to 10x Enlargement, Slideshow, Rotation, Protection, Voice Playback Movie: Normal, Fast-Forward, Reverse, Frame-by-Frame, Voice Playback
Playback Edit Effects:	Still Image: Red-Eye Fix, Shadow Adjustment, Resize, Cropping
Flash:	Built-in
Self-Timer:	12/2 Seconds
Memory:	33 MB internal memory
Removable Media Card:	SD/SDHC Card
Outer Connectors:	Multi-Terminal (USB Connector, Audio/Video Output)
Auto-Connect USB:	USB 2.0 High-Speed (USB Mass Storage)
Power Source:	Li-ion Rechargeable Battery (LI-42B) F-2AC Adapter
Dimensions:	4.0”W x 2.3”H x 1.1”D
Weight:	5.4 oz including batteries and memory card

Number of Recorded Pixels
14M (4,288 x 3,216): combined screennail (VGA) 8M (3,264 x 2,448): combined screennail (VGA) 5M (2,560 x 1,920): combined screennail (VGA) 3MP (2,048 x 1,536) 2MP (1,600 x 1,200) 1MP (1,280 x 960) VGA (640 x 480): compression ratio: 1/8 & 1/4 16:9 (4,288 x 2,416): compression ratio: 1/8 & 1/4

Shooting Modes (25)

Intelligent Auto

Program Auto

Sensor-Shift Image Stabilization

Magic Mode

Scene Modes (1. PORTRAIT, 2. LANDSCAPE, 3. NIGHT. 4. NIGHT+PORTRAIT, 5. SPORT, 6. INDOOR, 7. CANDLE, 8. SELF PORTRAIT, 9. SUNSET, 10. FIREWORKS, 11. CUISINE, 12. BEACH & SNOW, 13. DOCUMENTS, 14. PET)

HD Movie

Movie Mode - AVI Movie with Sound
1280 X 720 (30fps,15fps) 640 x 480 (30/15fps) 320 x 240 (30/15fps)

Flash Modes
Auto (for low light and backlit conditions) Red-Eye Reduction Fill-in Off

System Requirements
Auto-Connect USB: Windows® 2000/XP/VISTA/7 with USB port, Mac OS X 10.3 or later with USB port Software: Windows® 2000PRO/XP/VISTA/7, Mac OS X 10.3 – 10.5

In the box:

(1) Olympus VR-320 14MP Digital Camera (Choose: Black, Blue, Red or Silver)

USB Cable & Charger (F-2AC)
Audio/Video Cable
Wrist Strap
Lithium-Ion Battery (LI-42B)
Instruction Manual & Software CD
Quick Start Guide
Warranty Card

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HP Pavilion Dual Core Desktop

Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:00:29 -0600

Call of Pavilion.

From one HP to another: “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh HP Pavilion wgah’nagl fhtagn!”

We exist, in all our teeming grandeur, on nothing more than a small marble careening through an endless, nightmarish abyss. In relation to such a grand scope we are but micro-organisms clinging to a single grain of sand, touting our superiority and marveling at all that we rule over. But the sciences continue to expand our infinitesimal knowledge in minuscule fits and starts, and as our eyes grow accustomed to the yawning black sea of infinity before us I only pray that we keep our wits about us when faced with the terrifying vistas of reality, our frightful position therein, and that the true masters of this realm have taken notice of our small, tinny voices in the night.

Recently I have glimpsed the true and horrible nature of the cosmic cycle, and truly it has chilled me to my soul. Reports of a strange cult, presided over by strange druids of night howling demonic chants and wails at the stars from the still, cursed woods outside of town drew my curiosity most profoundly. In my continuing and extensively thorough research on the cult I found increasing numbers of seemingly unrelated events from around the world. Unbeknownst to authorities and overlooked by those parties charged with investigating, a single fact united each news clipping: at each site, no matter how grisly or horrific the events reported, a refurbished HP Pavilion p6-2003w Desktop PC was found.

Despite its seemingly modern components like a 6-in-1 Multimedia Card Reader, Windows 7 Home Premium, and 4GB DDR3 SDRAM memory, the obsidian towers were far from modern in atmosphere and suggestion. The impressionistic execution of its construction forbade any clear idea of its nature. It seemed to be a sort of symbol representing a monster, a form of which only a diseased fancy could conceive and the general outline of which I found to be shockingly frightful.

I cannot elaborate on such monstrosities, save to say that I hope these ominous signals shall go with this record of mine – buried and locked away safely. I have seen all that the universe has to hold of horror, and all of life’s riches: even the spring sunlight and warm fires of winter, shall be poison to my mind. As all those who have uncovered this secret before me have gone, so I shall go. I know too much, and the cult of HP still lives.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day HP

Condition: Refurbished

Features:

Powerful AMD E2 3200 Dual Core processor that makes multitasking applications a breeze
This Windows 7 Home Premium desktop PC comes with a high-capacity 1.0 TB SATA hard drive that helps you store large numbers of photos, music files, and hours of HD videos
The 4GB DDR3 SDRAM system memory makes it easy to handle multimedia work
You can watch movies, read and write CDs and DVDs in multiple formats with the SuperMulti DVD Burner
Connect to high-speed local area networks and broadband internet with its high performance Ethernet
Backup and Restore options built into the Windows Operating System help you create safe copies of your important files
Includes a power cord, USB keyboard, optical mouse, and an easy-to-follow Quick Start Guide (Monitor NOT Included)

Additional Photos:

Specifications:
Processor:	AMD E2 3200 (2.4GHZ)
Processor Core:	Dual-Core
Memory:	4GB DDR3 (PC3-10600)
Max Memory:	8 GB
Memory Slots:	2 (1 occupied)
Graphics:	AMD Radeon HD6370D
Hard Drive:	1TB SATA (7200rpm)
Optical Drive:	SuperMulti DVD±RW
Sound:	HD 5.1 Integrated Realtek ALC 656 Audio
Network:	10/100/1000 Mbs Base-T

Front Panel:
6-in-1 Multimedia Card Reader: (SD, SDHC, MMC, MMC Plus, MS, MS-Pro,xD) (2) USB 2.0 (1) Headphone Jack (1) Microphone Jack

Rear Panel:
5.1 Channel Audio (4) USB 2.0 (1) DVI (1) VGA (1) RJ-45 LAN (1) Audio: Line In port (light blue) (1) Audio: Line Out port (lime) (1) Audio: Microphone port (pink)

Expansion Slots & Bays:
(3) PCI Express X1 Slots (available) (1) PCI Express X16 Slots (available) (1) PCI Express Mini Card (occupied) (1) 5.25" Drive Bay (1 occupied) (1) 3.5" Drive Bay (1 occupied)

Operating System:
Genuine Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium (64-bit) - This PC may have other software titles not listed in this specification

Power Supply:
300W (100V-240V) Max

Dimensions:
15.3” (L) x 6.4” (W) x 14.4” (H)

Weight:
17.6 lbs

In the box:

(1) HP Pavilion p6-2003w Desktop PC
(1) Power Cord
(1) HP USB Keyboard
(1) HP Optical Mouse
Quick Start Guide

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Apple iPad 64GB with Wi-Fi & 3G

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 00:00:21 -0600

Baby, I’m sorry.

As a show of good faith and contrition in light of my infidelity, I’ve gotten you a gift.

“I can’t believe you thought you could bribe me with-”

“It’s not a bribe! It’s a gift! It’s a gift to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘Thank you for sticking with me despite my incredibly poor judgment.’ It’s a 64GB Apple iPad!”

“It’s refurbished!”

“It’s APPLE RECERTIFIED! That’s different! That’s better! You can play games and download apps and surf the web. Come on, I know you’ve wanted one of these!”

“Kobe’s wife got a huge diamond.”

“Well, if I had Kobe’s money you would too, okay? But I’m not working with Kobe money. And I guarantee if Kobe was a mid-tier Systems Administrator this is what he would buy his wife after drunkenly kissing his college girlfriend at a reunion dinner, okay?”

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year Apple

Condition: Apple Recertified

Features:

A design that’s thin, light, and brilliant. This First Generation iPad has a 9.7-inch, high-resolution LED-backlit IPS display and incredible Multi-Touch capability. Yet it’s thin and light enough to take anywhere
The best way to experience the web, email, photos, and video. Page through websites, write an email, flick through photos, or watch a movie with just the touch of a finger
Right now you can discover over a thousand apps on the App Store made just for iPad — with more coming every day. And if that’s not enough, you can also run almost 200,000 iPhone apps
Fast Internet access over Wi-Fi and 3G (AT&T only - 3G data plan must be purchased separately)
Introducing iBooks. A new way to read and buy books. Download the free iBooks app from the App Store. More than a great ebook reader, it’s also an amazing place to browse and shop for books

Additional Photos:

Specifications:
Capacity:	64GB flash drive
Processor:	1GHz Apple A4 custom-designed, high-performance, low-power system-on-a-chip
Display:	9.7-inch (diagonal) LED-backlit glossy widescreen Multi-Touch display with IPS technology, 1024-by-768-pixel resolution at 132 pixels per inch (ppi); Fingerprint-resistant oleophobic coating; Support for display of multiple languages and characters simultaneously
Battery & Power:	Built-in 25-watt-hour rechargeable lithium-polymer battery; Up to 10 hours of surfing the web on Wi-Fi, watching video, or listening to music; Up to 9 hours of surfing the web using 3G data network; Charging via power adapter or USB to computer system
Input and Output:	Dock connector port; 3.5-mm stereo headphone jack; Built-in speaker, microphone; Micro-SIM card tray
Sensors:	Accelerometer; Ambient light sensor
Wireless & Cellular:	Wi-Fi (802.11a/b/g/n); Bluetooth 2.1 + EDR technology; UMTS/HSDPA (850, 1900, 2100 MHz); GSM/EDGE (850, 900, 1800, 1900 MHz); Data only
Audio Playback:	Frequency response: 20Hz to 20,000Hz; Audio formats supported: HE-AAC (V1), AAC (16 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), MP3 (16 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, and 4), Apple Lossless, AIFF, and WAV; User-configurable maximum volume limit
TV and Video:	Support for 1024 by 768 pixels with Dock Connector to VGA Adapter; 576p and 480p with Apple Component AV Cable; 576i and 480i with Apple Composite AV Cable; H.264 video up to 720p, 30 frames per second, Main Profile level 3.1 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps per channel, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; Motion JPEG (M-JPEG) up to 35 Mbps, 1280 by 720 pixels, 30 frames per second, audio in ulaw, PCM stereo audio in .avi file format
Mail Attachment Support:	Viewable document types: .jpg, .tiff, .gif (images); .doc and .docx (Microsoft Word); .htm and .html (web pages); .key (Keynote); .numbers (Numbers); .pages (Pages); .pdf (Preview and Adobe Acrobat); .ppt and .pptx (Microsoft PowerPoint); .txt (text); .rtf (rich text format); .vcf (contact information); .xls and .xlsx (Microsoft Excel)
Languages:	Language support for English, French, German, Japanese, Dutch, Italian, Spanish, Simplified Chinese, Russian; Keyboard support for English (U.S.), English (UK), French (France, Canada), German, Japanese (QWERTY), Dutch, Flemish, Spanish, Italian, Simplified Chinese (Handwriting and Pinyin), Russian; Dictionary support for English (U.S.), English (UK), French, French (Canadian), French (Swiss), German, Japanese, Dutch, Flemish, Spanish, Italian, Simplified Chinese (Handwriting and Pinyin), Russian
Location:	Wi-Fi; Digital compass; Assisted GPS; Cellular
Accessibility:	Support for playback of closed-captioned content; VoiceOver screen reader; Full-screen zoom magnification; White on black display; Mono audio
Dimensions:	9.56"(H) x 7.47"(W) x 0.5"(D)
Weight:	1.6 lbs

In the box:

Apple FC497LL/A iPad 64GB with Wi-Fi & 3G (First Generation) (AT&T only - 3G data plan must be purchased separately)
USB Cable
AC Adapter
SIM Removal Tool

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The United States of Songs: Ohio

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 18:11:00 -0600

Welcome back to The United States of Songs, my quest to either find a new song to represent each state in the union or drive myself insane trying to turn these out week in and week out, whichever comes first. Come along with me, dear reader, to the Buckeye State!

The state: Ohio
The song: "O-H-I-O" by Ohio Players

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There no lyrics beyond "Ohio." I don't care. This song is awesome. And if anyone could use some funking up, it's Ohio, whose state motto is "With God, all things are possible (except in Cleveland)." People tend to assume I share some affinity with the state or the city of Cleveland in particular on account of my last name, but aside from feeling happy for the Browns when they're able to fool someone into letting them win once in awhile, I don't know much about the place.

I've driven through Ohio four times, coming back and forth from the East Coast. Several years ago I briefly became enamored with a girl who was playing rugby for Ohio Northern University, but she went back to school and I moved to Los Angeles so that was that (Hi, Kris). I know it's got a reputation as a pretty hard-luck state, similar to the troubles people tend to associate with places like Michigan: former manufacturing centers now shuttered, blue collar towns struggling to put people to work, that sort of thing. Even their sports teams have it rough. What springs to mind when I say the following names: Browns, Crew, Indians, Bengals, Reds, Cavaliers, and Blue Jackets. It wasn't "champions," was it?

The women of Ohio, though, are truly breathtaking.

But there's some nice stuff about Ohio, too! I assume. There's a lot of ancient history and culture there. Anthropologists think people were living there as far back as 13,000 BCE. The state's been under French, British, and American rule in its lifetime, which is kind of unique. And hey, if you're the "god-fearing Christian" type, Ohio's got you covered: 76% of the population identifies as Christian, and the majority of those are Evangelical Protestants. So if that's your thing, you'll find a lot of people to get along with in Ohio, I guess. But don't forget your education! Ohio's one of the five largest state university systems in the US, processing over 400,000 students a year.

I'm giving Ohio a hard time, but the truth is I've known I'd give them this song since this project began. It's fun, it's funky, and it's what a rust belt state needs: a song with some civic pride. Now answer this for me, Buckeyes: do you guys consider yourselves in the Midwest? The Northeast? Some other region I might not know of? I've always wondered, and I've heard differing opinions.

Want to complain about Randall's slap in the face of Ohio? Got a better suggestion? Let us know in the comments below!

Runner-Up: "Ohio" by Damien Jurado
Most Laughable Suggestion: "Ohio" by Modest Mouse

Flickr photo John Big Dawg Thompson by Erik Drost used under a Creative Commons License.

Flash In The Brain Pan: All That Matters

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 10:00:00 -0600

Nothing's more important than family. Not speeding cars, not acid-spitting aliens, not spaceships with a ridiculous number of guns attached to the front, not anything. That's why you don't see any of that stuff we just listed in All That Matters. Instead, you'll see this:

Walter's a nice fella who looks like the dude on the Pringles' can, and he's a traditional kind of guy. Throughout the course of the game, he's looking to reconnect with his family. You've got to roll Walter and his clan around the various levels, solving puzzles and picking up hearts. The more hearts they get, the more levels you unlock.

Walter's also got a son, a baby, a wife and a crazy dad, all of whom roll differently. Sometimes you've got to save only one of them to complete a level. Sometimes you've got to save a few. Things get a little simpler once you're used to jumping with the up arrow instead of the more-traditional spacebar. But other than that, All That Matters is just challenging enough to be fun. Until you hit this level right here:

From there on, the levels get hard and stay hard. But if you get stuck, don't worry! Fail three times in a row and the game will invite you to skip ahead and struggle out the stragglers later.

If you're really serious about this game you'll find a wall of badges you can collect while you push for greater success, plus three bonus levels to unlock just for fun. If you try to 100% everything, All That Matters is pretty doggone challenging. But if you just want to kill some time at your desk and roll a family back together, All That Matters should prove a nice time-waster for a Friday afternoon. Tip for office types: hit mute before you click through, because you can't turn off the sound until after the opening credits.

Samsung SwitchGrip HD Camcorder

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 00:00:12 -0600

Shooting the Dead

Jeez, can we get one minute of footage without some paranormal stuff messing everything up?!

Cut! Cut! Cut! No Ryan, there’s nothing wrong with your delivery. Your muffled crying was perfect! It’s just that whispering voice in the wind again. You know, talking about “all who enter be warned” and “ye all shall bear witness” etc., etc.

Man, I would kill my location scout for getting us a haunted house, but then again, another ghost in this place and we’ll never get this movie done! I mean, what am I supposed to do with all this footage? It’s worthless! No one would ever buy it!

I figured, with this Samsung SwitchGrip HD Camcorder with 10x Schneider-Kreuznach Lens, I’d have no problem finishing this shoot. It can capture video in 1920 x 1080/60i HD. It’s got Optical Image Stabilization. It features a a 5MP BSI CMOS sensor, which dramatically reduces noise and distortion while also enhancing recording quality in low-light condition. What could possibly go wrong, right?

Well, as it turns out, everything. And no, that wasn’t a joke, weird, echoing, maniacal laughter!

I just wanted to make a film, roughly 3 hours long, about a young husband and wife who buy an old house, fix it up (which would be the first hour and a half or so), in doing so realize the flaws in their relationship, and then go through a grueling divorce (the second hour and a half). That’s the kind of movie that people want to see.

They don’t want to see big, bright orbs appearing out of nowhere. They don’t want to see the eyes of a painting following the characters around the room. They don’t want to see the wife scream and run through the hallways being chased by a knife flying through the air as if propelled by its own volition. Movies are about exploring taboos, not scaring people.

Anyway, it sounds like the whispering’s died down, and the laughter’s trailed off to a chuckle. If we pick it up, who cares; we’ll just have to fix it in post. Sorry for ranting there, guys. Seriously, it’s been amazing working with you, Ryan, and you, Clarissa, and you too disembodied skull… oh, for crying out loud!

No, Clarissa, don’t scream! You’re just egging them on!

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year Samsung

Condition: New

Features:

SwitchGrip technology ensures that when filming the LCD screen adapts to how the camcorder body is being held. Whether you are left- or right-handed, shooting in difficult positions or combining recording film with other activities, you can always maintain perfect control over your video
Featuring an intuitive and clearly visible record button, the HMX-Q10 offers the best and most convenient operating system on the market, as it eliminates the need to have many separate buttons and keys to control the camcorder
Easy Operation via the 2.7” wide LCD screen allows the user to perform a variety of functions, including a pause function allowing you to stop and work out the best angle for your recording experience, the ability to turn the camcorder on and off, and playback mode so users can immediately review their footage
Captures video in 1920 x 1080/60i HD, and includes an OIS (Optical Image Stabilization) Duo system to compensate for hand-shaking better than ever before, creating a stable, clear video every time—even when walking or moving around
Its 10x Optical Zoom Schneider-KREUZNACH Varioplan-HD lens provides incredible close-up detail, and the Smart Optical Image Stabilizer guarantees rock-steady shooting
Includes a 5MP BSI CMOS sensor, which records with twice the sensitivity of normal CMOS sensors, dramatically reducing noise and distortion while also enhancing recording quality in low-light conditions, so great quality video can be captured in any situation
Upgraded version of Samsung’s Smart Auto scene recognition technology, which analyzes key elements of the composition of the footage such as brightness, motion, color and subject and then selects the most appropriate settings to produce the best results possible
Samsung Record Pause technology has also been introduced, allowing the user to take brief pauses in filming before re-starting, so they don’t need to merge files when finished
With the intuitive LCD touch screen, powered by the new Smart Access UI, users can record and review their videos easily and enjoyably
Easy Manual Mode setting, you can access and calibrate the entire breadth of easy-to-use manual features (White Balance, Exposure Values, Backlighting, Self Timer, and C.Nite) through the intuitive interface
Streamlined and compact body can easily be carried anywhere

Specifications:

Optics:
Sensor:	5 Megapixel 0.24" CMOS Sensor
Lens:	Schneider-KREUZNACH Varioplan-HD 2.75 - 27.5mm (16:9)
Zoom:	Optical: 10x Digital: 20x

Recording:
System:	NTSC
Recording Media:	SD/SDHC (Up to 32GB)
Recording Time:	250 minutes (SD, SF) 300 minutes (SD, F) 390 minutes (SD, N) 1050 minutes (HD, SF) 1390 minutes (HD, F) 2040 minutes (HD, N)
Video Format:	High Definition: 1920 x 1080i, 1280 x 720p (60 fps) Standard Definition: 720 x 480i (60 fps)
Still Image Resolution:	JPEG: 4.9 Megapixel

Display:
Type:	LCD
Size:	2.7"
Touchscreen:	Yes

Features:
Image Stabilization:	Optical
Built-in Mic:	Yes
Built-in Speaker:	Yes
Tripod Mount:	0.25"

Input/Output Connectors:
Inputs:	(1) USB 2.0 Charging
Outputs:	(1) USB 2.0 PC Connect (1) HDMI C (Mini) (1) Composite Video (out) (1) Audio
Headphone Jack:	Yes

Size:
Dimensions:	4.7"(W) x 2.1"(H) x 1.7"(D)
Weight:	6.38oz

Additional Photos:

In the box:

Samsung HMX-Q10 SwitchGrip HD Camcorder
Rechargeable Lithium-Ion Battery
AC Adapter
AV Cable
USB Cable
CD Manual

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