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10 Things To Look For At The Olympic Closing Ceremony

  1. 200,000 pizzas sent to “Chinese Taipei”
  2. Ceremonial lighting of the Tibetan monk
  3. Entire crowd replaced by more photogenic stand-ins
  4. New technology allows the "completely live" fireworks display to run backward
  5. Everyone looks under their seat to find a gift bag containing a DVD copy of Watchmen, one of those cans of Coke in a different language, and a female child
  6. Numerous mistakes by Chinese dancers (but no points deducted by judges)
  7. Bela Karolyi given Andy Rooney’s old spot on 60 Minutes
  8. One more silver medal awarded to Shawn Johnson, just to rub it in
  9. Olympic hostesses return to their docking stations and power down
  10. Everyone leaves satisfied but then somehow want another Olympics about fifteen minutes later


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