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9 Ways We'll Be Celebrating Pi Day

  1. Trying to arrange a 3.1415926535897932385some
  2. Dressing up like Archimedes to hand out protractors to local children
  3. Proving that πr2 by ordering a Sicilian pizza
  4. Finalizing our plans to move against Caesar
  5. Calculating the circumferences of our naughty bits
  6. Reassuring e and c that they’re special too
  7. Exposing the lie of Judeo-British “mathematics” and the global calculator-smuggling conspiracy masterminded by the Bilderbergers, Queen Elizabeth II, and TV’s Gerald McRaney (Major Dad, Jericho)
  8. Irresponsibly rounding up to four
  9. Really seriously considering going back to get our GED


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