Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.
NASHVILLE (UPI) -- Attendance at a white power conference in Tennessee this weekend is limited to 150 people, organizers say.
Insiders hint panels such as "Making A Battery Out Of Marshmallows" and "Cotton: Where Static Electricity Begins!" will focus on various alternative energy ideas, all designed to draw power from white objects.
ST. LOUIS (UPI) Three men have been arrested for allegedly vandalizing rock 'n' roll musician Chuck Berry's Missouri home and stealing an electric guitar, police said.
Police say his ding-a-ling still remains in mint condition.
LOS ANGELES, Sept. 11 (UPI) -- Chris Brown's publicist says the U.S. singer's new neck tattoo is not a portrait of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna as Internet buzz has suggested.
Apparently it's just an entirely different terrible idea.
NEW YORK (UPI) -- A New York steakhouse said it is offering a 12-ounce cut of real Japanese Kobe beef, which just recently became available in the United States, for $350.
Inspectors say all previous Kobe beef was still legally branded as such, since it was all apparently made from the ground up clones of Kobe Bryant.
BOSTON, Sept. 16 (UPI) -- The Jewish community in the United States and around the world welcomes the year 5773 when the sun sets Sunday and Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins.
The event went mostly ignored by comedians, because after Jewish people have talked about something for 5773 years, how many undiscovered jokes could possibly be left?